Life (Lily Series)
by NettieC
Summary: This is the next installment in the Lily Rabb series. With Jessie and Aidan officially adopted and settled on the farm, life moves on.
1. Chapter 1

AN: I never thought it would be so long between the last Lily Rabb installment and this one. Even when I look at the dates, I can't believe it's been that long. The time certainly has flown.

I had started this next installment (First Kiss / Last Breath) back when Life Goes On was last updated (in 2013) so there is no jump in the timeline but have really, really struggled with it. Time and personal issues aside, there was just a complete writer's block. A few times I thought about abandoning it all together, but I couldn't. On at least 20 occasions, I have opened the document and edited it, added the next line or two, sometimes, it was just the very next word. Then inadvertently, I deleted a chapter which set me back on motivation and progress, and so it has been a painstakingly slow process altogether.

I have however, almost finished the installment and have decided to post it under a new story name of Life (Lily Series).

This makes the sequence

36 Hours

Change

Life on the Farm

Life Goes on

Life (Lily Series)

I'm sure it would help to have read from the start, but having just done that myself to aid in inspiration (and getting things back in order in my head), it is a long undertaking. This way, people can just dip into this story and go back and read the rest if they are so inclined.

I'm also sure that many of my original reviewers and fans are no longer on the site, sadly, I'm aware a few have passed away in the interim. So, to those who are still left and those who come along to this story for the first time, thank you. I hope to see your names pop up in the reviews.

Hope you enjoy it. (Sorry, I'm having some formatting issues.)

 **First Kiss, Last Breath 1**

It had taken a couple of weeks for the excitement of the adoption to subside and, four weeks on, it was still evidenced in the newest family members being more relaxed and settled. The burden of the trials and traumas of the previous 14 months were lifted by the judge's decree. It was also seen Jessie's handwriting. Well, not her handwriting per se but in the appearance of her new name 'Jessie MacKenzie Rabb' written by her and adorning nearly every piece of paper, envelope, newspaper, magazine that was around.

"I was just practicing," she said sheepishly when Harm caught her repeatedly writing her name on a note pad.

Harm had just laughed and kissed her head. Not that he would admit it to anyone but a few days before his wedding, and knowing he was going to take Mac's name as well, he had sat in the loft one night and repeatedly written 'Harmon MacKenzie Rabb'. Like Jessie, his dream was coming true and by writing his new name he was helping it sink in.

With Valentine's Day drawing close there were many plans being made. As a well-earned reward for themselves, Trish and Frank were heading back west for a month. The warmer weather was beckoning them and, after a particularly cold and bitter Pennsylvanian winter, no one could blame them. Harm had volunteered to take on the rather enjoyable task of organising a Valentine's Day treat for himself and his wife which would involve them getting away from the farm for a few hours. When she had protested that it wasn't fair to leave all the kids with Mattie and Colin, Harm smiled and assured her all was in hand. Not that it was, but would be by the day.

It was the following day, while he and Mattie were in the office of Rabb Runways that he broached the topic with his eldest daughter.

"Mats, do you and Colin have any plans for Valentine's?" he asked, perched on the front of his desk.

"Nope," she said shaking her head. "Haven't really given it much thought," she admitted.

"Really?" he questioned. It seemed the perfect day for a young and very much in love couple.

"Yeah, really," she confirmed, her voice flat. "Why?"

"Well, I want to take Mac out for a few hours..." he began and Mattie nodded.

"And you want us to look after the kids," she said. "Sure."

"Ah, no, not quite," he said, "We'll leave once the kids are on the bus, and be home by the time it gets back," he explained. "So, it will only be Frankie."

"Sure," she repeated. "He's no problem. He and Kenz can get up to mischief together."

"They certainly can," Harm agreed with a knowing smile. "Then, once we're home, we'll have Kenz and you and Colin can have the afternoon / evening to yourself."

"Nah, don't think there's any need for that," she said, standing and moving to the filing cabinet. "But thanks for the offer."

Harm waited until she had turned back to face him and beckoned her over. Taking her in a warm embrace, he kissed her head and Mattie didn't resist in the least.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, caressing her head. "Because I know something's not right."

Mattie sighed deeply before pulling back to look up at him. "Nothing really to tell."

"So tell me about the nothing," Harm probed gently. He had often found Mac's 'nothing' equated to something major. Mattie took a couple of deep breaths and just as Harm thought she was going to talk, she burst into tears. "Hey, hey," he soothed, drawing her closer to him. "Ssh, honey, shh."

"I'm sorry," she finally said with a sniffle, pulling away so she could get a tissue.

"Can you talk to me about it?" he asked once she had blown her nose.

"There's nothing..." she began but Harm shook his head. "I mean the problem is there's nothing..."

"I don't understand," he said, tugging her back to him.

With another deep breath, Mattie wiped her eyes. "My period started again today...another month and still no baby...nothing."

"Oh, honey," he said, hugging her once more. "I'm sorry."

"I keep telling myself it will happen so not to stress," she said, with a shake of her head. "I tell myself that we're still young, there is no rush and everything will work out."

"That's right," agreed Harm. "So, if you tell yourself that, why the tears?"

"Because I'm starting not to believe it," she said, trying not to cry again. "With Kenzie I fell pregnant while using birth control...now ...now I want to fall pregnant and it's just not happening."

"Have you talked to Colin about this?" he asked as he rubbed her back.

"Sort of," she replied. "He keeps saying to relax, it will happen. I don't want him to think I'm obsessing...or becoming a basket case."

"Babies often come along on their own schedule," Harm reminded her. "Look at the intervention we had to have to conceive Lily. Then, despite all odds, Frankie was discovered days before Mac was to have a hysterectomy. Not to mention the twins in between."

"Aha," she said with a sniffle. "Frankie certainly surprised everyone."

"Tell me about it," he replied, remembering the absolute panic he felt when he found Mac on their bedroom floor, breaking her heart crying. "But it was what was meant to be."

"What if not having another baby is what is meant to be for Col and me?" she asked tearfully.

"What if it is?" he countered. Dr Mollison had taught him not to try and fix everything but to just listen, and she had taught him well.

"I'll be really disappointed," she said quietly. "I always wanted a big family...and I know Colin does too."

"There are other ways of expanding your family...ours jumped by two just last month," Harm reminded her.

"I know," Mattie said, swiping away a tear. "And I know I should just feel blessed that we have Kenzie and I do...I..."

"Just want another baby?" he supplied for her and Mattie nodded.

"Aha," she managed before fresh tears fell and she sobbed into Harm's chest.

"What's going on?" Colin asked from the doorway, surprising them both.

"I love you very much, Matilda," Harm said kissing her head. "I think this is the perfect time to talk to your husband."

Walking past his son-in-law, Harm patted his shoulder and smiled. It did little to reassure him.

"Mattie?" he asked cautiously as he approached her. "What's wrong?"

Mattie's response was to fling her arms around him and hold on tightly and while Colin was still very concerned, he was somewhat relieved that she still wanted him. Before long he lead them over to a small sitting area where they had a lounge suite. Sitting in the armchair, he pulled Mattie into his lap and kissed her head.

"Whenever you are ready," was all he said and then he waited and waited.

"I know you're going to say 'it's alright' and 'not to worry' and 'there's always next month' she said quietly as she played with the collar on his shirt, and instantly he knew the problem; but still he waited. "And I know you're right and I shouldn't be getting myself this upset..."

"But..." he offered when she went no further.

"But ...but...I just want another baby so much and my period started this morning so it still hasn't happened and I'm wondering whether it ever will and I know stressing won't help but I can't help it and I know you want more kids and I feel bad that this isn't happening for us and that...that...that..." Mattie stopped and drew a breath. "I just want another baby," she said more slowly.

"Why didn't you tell me it was upsetting you this much?" he questioned, raising her face.

"Because you take everything in your stride and kept saying it would be alright and I didn't want you to think I was being neurotic about it all," she said sheepishly.

"Matilda, I do not think you are being neurotic about anything," he said, kissing her forehead. "And I kept saying it would be alright because I thought it was the right thing to say and I didn't want you to think I was putting any pressure on you."

"I'm sorry," she replied, snuggling closer to him. "About not telling you...about being a mess today..."

"No apology is necessary," he said, kissing her once more. "What we need to do is make some plans."

"What sort of plans?" she asked with a sigh, not really clear-headed enough to plan for anything significant.

"Fertility advice," he said, caressing her face. "Not that I think there is any reason we can't conceive, after all, we have Kenz, but how about we get a referral to someone who can do some tests...ask some questions and let us know for sure...okay?"

"You'd do that?" she asked tearfully as she knew Colin tried to avoid doctors at all costs.

"For you I will do anything," he said, kissing her again. "I love you so much."

"Love you too," Mattie replied, settling against him once more. "Thank you."

Coming downstairs from putting Frankie and Kenzie down for their naps, Mac was surprised to see Harm coming in the back door.

"Wasn't expecting you until home time," she said as she moved into the kitchen with him.

"Wasn't expecting to be back til then," he concurred before filling her in on the reason he had left the office.

"Oh, the poor thing," Mac said. "Would it help if I talked to her?"

"I don't know," he replied. "Colin's with her now, they both know we are here for them, so they'll come to us if they want to talk."

"Okay," she said, as she turned her attention to the sandwiches she was making for afternoon tea.

"Want some help?" he asked as he washed his hands. Soon they were working side by side, the conversation light and breezy.

Ten minutes before the school horde were due to arrive, Harm's cell buzzed and he answered the call.

"MacKenzie Rabb," he said and listened intently to the voice on the other end. "Hold on, I'll put you on speaker phone so Mac can hear as well."

"Hey, Mac," came Sturgis' voice from the device.

"Hey, Sturgis, how are you?" she enquired, putting her dishcloth down.

"Good, thanks," he said. "Unfortunately, this isn't a social call."

"Oh?" she replied, looking at Harm.

"As I was just saying to Harm, this is about Clayton Webb," he said. "Now, I know after I ran into him at Langley last month, I contacted you about his condition, and I also informed him I wasn't a go-between and if he wanted any contact with you both then he would have to initiate it."

"That's right," they both said in agreement. "Something change?" added Harm.

"Not sure," he said slowly and Harm and Mac exchanged looks. "I heard some rumours he had rallied, and others he was at death's door. Seems he still wants to make his peace with you both and a contact of mine believes Porter Webb will be contacting you shortly – figured I'd give you a heads up."

"We appreciate that, buddy," Harm said and after a few more minutes of talk, the call was ended as the growing noise indicated the children were near.

When all the children were sleeping and all the day's jobs done, Harm and Mac sat curled together in front of the fire, watching the flames and little sparks dance about.

"What are we going to do?" Harm asked and Mac needed no further clarification.

"Go back in time and have Sturgis not tell us anything about Webb," Mac said with a sigh. "In this case, I think ignorance would have been bliss."

"True," he agreed. "But since the time machine is broken, what now?"

"What do you want to do?" she countered, moving so she could look at him.

"I want to do whatever you want to do," he said simply and Mac's brow creased. "Look," he continued as way of explanation. "Your relationship with Webb..."

"Don't go there," she said with a warning tone. "I've told you before..."

"I know, I know," he said, pulling her back to him. "I didn't mean romantic relationship – just relationship in general. He put you through far more than me back then..." Mac nodded. "And I know after that whole episode at Mandalay that you..."

"I never wanted anything to do with him again," she continued Harm's line of thought. "And I didn't...don't. Since Sturgis' first call I've tried to balance what he did to me with what he did for me, for us, over the years."

"And what was the outcome?" he asked, raking his fingers through her hair.

Sighing deeply, Mac looked up at him once more. "That we're about even...and I don't owe him anything."

"You don't," Harm agreed, kissing her head.

"But I feel, despite everything, we should go see him," she said with a resigned air.

'Yeah, my thoughts too," Harm said, holding her a little tighter.

The problem with having a large family is that dashing to DC to see a sick 'friend' isn't all that doable. Mindful of not putting extra stress on Mattie and with Trish and Frank still in La Jolla, Harm and Mac spent the next hour talking logistics. Valentine's Day was on Thursday, two days away. The younger children had special school events during the day that they were looking forward to and neither parent was prepared to have them miss. Aidan had a school dance that night and while the boy was a little reluctant, they wanted him to attend.

In the end, it was decided that, after a phone call to Harriet, they would all go to DC with an early start Friday morning. The pretext would be a 'special Valentine's surprise weekend'. After all, Valentine's was about being with people you love and, as a family, there was no family they loved more than the Roberts'. Then, at some time over the weekend, Harm and Mac would be able to slip away and visit Webb with their children none the wiser.

Wednesday lunch time, Mac had just settled the boys at the table with their food when Mattie came in the back door.

"Room for one more?" she asked Mac as she sorted her own meal.

"Always, sweetie," Mac replied as Mattie went and kissed the boys.

When they were both seated at the table with their sons, Mac watched as Mattie stared at Kenzie.

"Harm told me about yesterday," Mac said quietly. "Is there anything I can do?" she asked, reaching over and covering Mattie's hand with hers. Mattie's reply was to shrug. "Can you look at me for a minute, please?" Slowly, Mattie obeyed. "Tell me."

In essence, Mattie didn't tell Mac anything Harm hadn't. Yet, there was something in Mattie's word choice which was concerning Mac and she decided to dig a little deeper.

"I know you and Colin had discussed an 18 month gap between your kids but 24 months, 36 months, are still good gaps," she said quietly. "And, if it turns out to be years, then that will be fine too."

"I know," she replied with a sniffle

"But..." Mac said for her and Mattie shrugged once more.

"But I can't explain it," Mattie finally said. "I was okay with things not happening as quickly as I had hoped. So long as any baby was healthy then he or she would be worth the wait."

"What changed?" Mac asked, taking her hand once more.

Mattie drew a deep breath. "I don't know," she said confused. "It's just in the last few weeks I have this growing desperation for a family."

"Honey, you have a family," Mac said gently. "You have Colin and Kenzie and then you have all of us."

"No, I don't," she said before she could stop herself.

"What do you mean?" she pressed. "What family don't you have?"

"I don't have you all," she said quietly. "In the past month I've thought a lot about that...I want more babies because I want a family."

Mac studied her face; Mattie had paled at her own revelation.

"What's changed, Mats?" Mac asked gently, trying to hide her own surprise and hurt. "I thought we were all family and doing a great job living and working together here on the farm."

"We are," Mattie said quickly. "We were...no, we are." Scrubbing a hand over her face, Mattie tried to collect her thoughts. There was silence. "I look at our sons and see two little boys who will grow up as best friends and who will see themselves more like brothers or cousins than uncle and nephew but the truth is they are no relation at all. There are no bloodlines, no entry on a family tree, no ties that legally bind..."

"How long have you felt this way?" Mac asked, her hand resting on Mattie's arm.

"A while..." she said slowly. "It was always something at the back of my mind, you know? But then with the kids' adoption I guess I've been thinking about it a lot more in the last few weeks...and then with wanting a baby..."

"Are you upset that Harm and I adopted Aidan and Jess but not you?" she asked gently and watched as Mattie shrugged.

"No," she finally said. "I am very glad you adopted the kids. They deserve a stable and loving home after everything they've been through."

"You deserve one too," Mac said quietly.

"If anything, then perhaps the word is sad about it all," she said as she still watched the boys eat their lunch, hers abandoned. "I was about Aidan's age when I first met Harm and it was a struggle for him to get guardianship of me...well, you know that, you were there. But my circumstances were different to the kids, I wasn't an orphan, I still had a father and the aim was for him to be my parent once more and he was, so adoption wasn't even on the cards. Then I had the accident, and the rehab and dad disappeared and Harm and you took me in once more. By the time I was thinking about a future that didn't involve hospitals or therapy, I was over 18 and on my own."

"If the circumstances had have been different and we had adopted you back then, what would be different now?" Mac asked as she picked up her cup of coffee.

Mattie shrugged. "On the surface, nothing. I would like to think everything would have fallen into place and I would still met Colin, moved here, had Kenz..."

"Beneath the surface?" she probed as she wondered how she was going to tell Harm about this conversation.

"Well, I guess our ties would be legally binding. As it is, I'm the only of your 'children' who wouldn't be let into hospital to see you, or dad or any of the kids if there was an emergency. Then there's the fact that while Col and I have written our will and named you and dad as Kenzie's guardians, Colin's parents could argue that you are not actually related to him and contest custody."

"Mats, why hasn't this come up before now?" Mac asked once more. "We've all been here a couple of years now..."

"Because, mom, the past is in the past," she said, standing up to clean up the drink Kenzie had just spilt. "Not as if we can go back and you guys can adopt me."

"No, we can't go back," she concurred. "But, are you aware we could adopt you today if you wanted it?"

Mattie looked up, her cloth in midair. "No, you can't," she said. "I'm way past 18."

"I know that, honey," she said, standing and moving next to her. "But it is possible for adults to adopt other adults."

"Yes," she said with a nod. "Vulnerable adults, though, those with disabilities and the like."

"All adults," Mac corrected. "Doing the research and paperwork for Aidan and Jess, I did some reading on it. It's something happening more and more these days and usually relates to the adoption of a non-biological child who was brought up in a household but without any formal paperwork, you know, like step-kids being adopted by step-parents or who, like Aidan were being brought up by his grandparents."

"And it's legal?" Mattie asked, not quite believing what she was hearing.

"Perfectly," she said with a grin. "It often happens for reasons like you mentioned with the family, and also for equal rights in wills."

"Oh, I don't want anything will-wise...I just wanted my status to be confirmed," she said dropping the cloth. "Is it a difficult process?"

"Not at all. Harm and I complete the application, you agree and that's it. No Children's Services or Home Visits, just some paperwork and a few signatures," she said with a smile.

"How soon can we do it" she asked before shaking her head. "Oh, I'm sorry."

"What for?" Mac asked as she wiped Frankie's face.

"I never asked if it was alright. Whether adopting me was something you actually wanted to do," she said sheepishly.

"We wouldn't think twice about it!" Mac stated. "And had we known how you were feeling, we would have done it years ago."

"I guess the only thing now is asking dad," she said quietly. "I don't want to upset him or anything...how do you think he'll react about everything?"

"You just leave him to me," Mac said with a smile. "He'll love the idea."

It was later that night, after all the children were asleep, that Harm cornered his wife in the kitchen as she prepared coffee for them.

"So, do I get to know what's going on around here?" he asked, grabbing a plate from the cupboard.

"What do you mean?" she asked as she poured the milk into one of the mugs.

"Dinner had an uneasy feel. Did something happen between you and Mattie?" he asked, more concerned than curious.

"No," Mac replied quickly. "Well, yes," she corrected, "But nothing negative. Come and I'll tell you all about it."

Carrying a plate of Mac's favourite chocolate cookies, which she kept well hidden in the pantry, Harm trailed his wife into the living room and placed them on the side table before sitting next to her.

"So, Mattie..." Harm said, taking his mug from her and putting it alongside the cookies.

"It's like this..." Mac said before relaying their conversation almost verbatim. "Where are you going?" she asked as Harm got to his feet.

"To see Mattie!" he said, heading to the door.

"Harm, it's late! Kenz will ..." she started but stopped when she realised it wouldn't make a difference.

Crossing the yard quickly, Harm rapped quickly on the front door before trying the handle. With the door opening, Harm wiped his shoes before letting himself in.

"Hi, Harm," Colin said, as he came to see who was at the door. "Something wrong?" he added, catching the odd expression on the older man's face.

"Yes," he replied, scanning the area for Mattie as he breezed past Colin.

Spying her at the kitchen sink, Harm almost leapt across the room to get to her.

"Never, ever, believe that I do not consider you one of my children, Matilda," Harm said sternly as he spun her from the sink. "Regardless of anything else, you will always be my eldest. I am sorry we didn't adopt you before. It wasn't that we didn't want to but circumstances. You, Mac and I are going to be at the courthouse at 0900 and we'll sort this out and you will never have to doubt just who constitutes your family."

"But, Harm..." Mattie went to protest.

"No buts...we are doing this tomorrow. The minute the kids are on the bus we are going," he ordered, his tone very reminiscent of his days as a Commander. "Understood?"

"Understood," she said nodding. "But I was going to remind you that tomorrow is Valentine's Day and you had plans to take Mac out."

"I did," he said with a nod. "But this is far more important and Mac will agree with me. 0900, be ready."

With that he hugged and kissed her before leaving just as quickly as he had arrived.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: trying to post this second chapter again, minus all the gobbledygook.

First Kiss / Last Breath 2

When Thursday morning dawned, Mac stirred and rolled over to kiss her husband only to find she was in bed alone. At first, she thought she might be getting breakfast in bed for Valentine's Day but when she was still alone 10 minutes later, she got up and pulled on her robe. Moving down the stairs, she found Harm at the dining room table with papers scattered around him.

"What are you up to?" she asked, moving around the table and kissing his head.

"Just trying to collect any documents we might need today," he said, thumbing through another pile of papers.

"What sort of papers?" she asked, trying but failing to establish eye contact.

"Any related to Mattie," he said. "You know, the Guardianship ones, reports from the hospital after her accident addressed to me..."

"Why do we need them?" Mac asked, using her hand to direct Harm's attention to herself.

"Just to prove this isn't a scam or anything," he said glancing at her. "So the judge will know Mattie's been part of this family for a long time now...that I have been her father, in some way, shape or form, for nearly two decades."

"Harm, honey, stop," Mac said, pulling the papers from his hands and stepping in front of him. "You're really stressed about this," she observed, caressing his face. "Just take a few breaths for me."

"I'm fine, I'm fine," he said quickly. "I just need..."

"You need the forms I printed out yesterday and Mattie and I," she said calmly. "None of this will matter to the judge."

"You never know..." he replied. "What if..."

"No what if's, Harmon," she said slowly. "Mattie is a happy, healthy, fully functioning adult. She can advocate on her own behalf and ..."

"Mac..." he said before resting his head on her chest. "I just...just..."

"What, honey?" she asked, very concerned about her husband.

"I just can't believe she believed she didn't have a family," he said, wrapping his arms around Mac's waist. "We have been a family of sorts for more than half her life and she didn't think..."

"Ssh, shh," Mac soothed. "Mattie is on a roller coaster of emotions at the moment and probably not able to clearly express her thoughts. The fact that she first called you 'dad' on her wedding day is a pretty good indication that she is acutely aware of the relationship between you. She loves you. Despite her recent words, she knows we are her family, she just needs it to be official."

"Well, official it will be," Harm declared. "Once the judge signs the paper, I'll get Aldo Jones to skywrite the whole damn document if need be."

Any further discussion was curtailed when Rosie and Harry came bounding down the steps.

"Happy Valentine's Day!" they called not quite in unison.

"Happy Valentine's Day to you too," Mac replied, crouching down ready to embrace them both. "I love you both so very much."

"Love you too, mommy," said Rosie squeezing Mac tightly.

"Love you, mom," said Harry, pulling back as Mac tried to kiss his cheek.

"What about me?" Harm said, feeling bad he hadn't said anything to his wife.

"We love you too, daddy. Don't we, Harry?" Rosie announced as she wrapped her arms around his legs.

"Yep, we do," he concurred, hugging Harm's legs.

In one swift move, Harm picked up a twin in each arm before kissing them both. "Happy Valentine's Day to my favourite twins."

Dispatching the dynamic duo to make sure Lily and Jessie were getting up, Harm wanted a few minutes to make amends.

"I am sorry I was so caught up that I didn't wish you a Happy Valentine's Day," Harm said, taking his wife in his arms once more. "I love you so very much," he whispered before capturing her lips with his.

"I love you too, Harm," Mac replied as she pulled back, only to dip back in and return the kiss.

"Eww! Kissing!" Harry announced as he re-entered the room.

The 'surprise' plan was announced at breakfast and it was greeted by great enthusiasm amid the exchange of Valentine's Day cards and kisses. Lily was excited because Harriet had said they could do some baking on her next visit and Jessie was excited to see Bud again so he could see how much better she was walking. Harm walked his five children down to the bus stop as Mac cleaned up and organised Frankie for the trip to the courthouse. As they walked, he couldn't help but notice Aidan seemed a bit pre-occupied.

"Something you want to talk about, son?" Harm asked, wrapping an arm around the boy's shoulders.

"Nah, just thinking about the dance tonight," he replied.

"Mattie said you have your clothes organised," he said and the boy nodded. "And did you let Amelia know that I can pick her up and drop her home?"

"Yes, sir," he said with a nod.

"Aidan," he said, stopping along the driveway while still watching the four younger children go ahead. "I know you were a bit reluctant to go tonight but you haven't changed your mind, have you? Because it wouldn't be fair on Amelia, you know?" he continued without giving the boy a chance to reply.

"No, sir," Aidan said once more. "I kind of wish I hadn't asked Amelia because I really don't want to go...but Colin always says you have to be a man of your word, so I would never do that to her."

"Amelia must be pretty special if you're willing to do this for her," Harm said as they resumed their walk. Aidan turned bright red and dropped his head, finding his feet suddenly fascinating; Harm could only grin. "Do you think she..."

"Bus is coming!" Harry shouted and Aidan breathed a sigh of relief.

There weren't too many others in the waiting area in the courthouse so Mac allowed the two little boys the freedom to climb on a nearby row of chairs. Both had been warned about being quiet and sensible and both had replied with "Yes, mommy" and "Yes, gigi". However, as they were too young to understand what they had agreed to, Colin stood nearby ready to intervene. Harm, meanwhile, was a man on a mission and from the moment they had stepped into the building, Mac had noticed that her more relaxed pilot, businessman, farmer husband was very much the Naval Commander she had fallen in love with all those years before. His words, his tone, his mannerisms were very much from his investigative and court room days. He was rigid in his posture and everything he said and did bore an air of formality.

"Has he changed his mind?" Mattie whispered as she sat alongside Mac. "He seems so..."

"No, honey, not at all," Mac answered. "This is the Harm you would have seen when you first come to stay in DC."

Mattie studied him for a few moments. "It is too," she agreed with a slight smile. "All very prim and proper..."

"Well, proper, yes," Mac agreed. "I don't think he'd like the term 'prim'."

"What would you call it then, mom?" she asked as they both tracked Harm's move across the room.

"Harm, the naval officer, was noble, had a strong sense of duty, of service, of justice..."she trailed as her mind flashed through some stirring images of said man in uniform. It wasn't a surprise to her that most of her favourite images had him dressed in summer whites and gold wings.

"And was completely clueless about you," Mattie added with a soft laugh.

"Well, those days are long gone," she said, taking Mattie's hand in hers. "We've all been together since then," she continued. "And I know today is important to you and I am very proud to officially and legally be your mother, but you have to know that I could not possibly love you anymore than I already do. I know you considered Harm to be your dad from early on because you were his ward and I was just someone who came along, but even before Harm and I got a clue about us and acted upon it, I already loved you. I know your relationship with your mother was very special and I understood that it was easier for you to consider Harm to be your dad than for me to be your mother, but that didn't stop me from thinking of you as my daughter."

"Oh, Mac...mom," Mattie said tearfully before embracing her. "I love you so much."

"Now, we..." Harm started as he practically marched over to them but stopped when he saw the tearful embrace. "What it is?"

Mattie sniffled, shook her head and smiled. "It's all good," she said. "Just a mother-daughter moment." Mac grinned and nodded.

"Oh...okay," he said slowly. "Now, Judge McAvaney has agreed to see us in chambers in between cases. The clerk said he would send us in to wait just before this case concludes ...which he anticipates to be in an hour or so."

"Good, good," said Mac, "And then we can go have a celebratory brunch or lunch."

"You ate five pancakes at breakfast!" Harm replied. "You can't possibly be hungry."

"One, since when do you keep tabs on how much I eat? Two, breakfast was finished by 0712. Three, Mattie hasn't eaten at all today. And, four, if I choose to take my daughter out to eat on the day I officially become her mother then that is exactly what I am going to do, okay?" she retorted, getting to her feet.

"Okay, okay," he said, holding up his hands. "Power down, marine."

Mattie laughed. It seemed Harm wasn't the only one reverting to his former self.

By 1130, the family were settled around a booth at a nearby diner at Mattie's daughter status was official. It had been a complete non-event as far as court cases go and the judge's role was merely to rubber stamp the paperwork. However, to Mattie it was everything and the smile had yet to leave her face. This was something she had always wanted but as it never seemed a possibility she hadn't ever really considered it. Now it had happened, she felt a sense of contentment she hadn't experienced before. It was like a gap in her soul, that she wasn't even aware of, had been filled.

Lunch was a bright, happy affair. Lots of laughs, reminisces of good times in the early days and times on the farm. It was joyful, delightful and all about family and love. When Mac went to the bathroom and Mattie took the boys to be changed, Colin reached for the bill.

"Nope," Harm said, taking the black vinyl folder from him. "This one is on me."

"You're very much the proud papa, aren't you?" Colin said with a grin, not fighting him on this one.

"That I am, son," he said, beaming. "That I am."

"I don't think you know just how much this means to Mattie," he said quietly. "And I don't think she knew it either until Mac said she could be adopted."

"I know," Harm said with a nod. "We never intended to exclude her, officially or otherwise..."

"Oh, she knows," Colin interrupted. "Aidan and Jessie's adoption stirred up some things and then not falling pregnant this month added to the mix, but I think it's been something in the back of her mind over the years, this was just the impetus."

"Well, it's all official now and nothing can change it," Harm replied grinning.

"Sorry you didn't get to do whatever Valentine's thing you had planned for Mac," he said quietly as he spied the family returning.

"Time for all that later," he replied. "Valentine's Day is about love and what better way than 'officially' welcoming a new daughter to the family, not to mention son-in-law and grandson."

The afternoon and early evening was a hub-bub of activity. Jessie, Lily and the twins were babbling away about the activities of the day and trying to show their parents the cards they had received. Mac was trying to pack for their 3-day weekend in DC. It didn't feel like all that long ago where she would have a small bag permanently packed and her uniforms at the ready and could depart for months at a moment's notice. Now, she had to pack for herself and Harm and six kids, not to mention all Jessie's extra equipment and supplies and she knew it would take her hours. Meanwhile, Harm was trying to wrangle the kids, get their dinner ready and watch the clock so he wasn't late taking Aidan to his dance.

Having just got Frankie strapped into his highchair, Harm looked up to see Aidan standing nervously inside the back door.

"All ready?" Harm asked, placing Frankie's bowl of spaghetti in front of him.

"Ah, yeah," Aidan replied. "But if you're too busy..." he trailed as he fiddled with his dark blue pin stripped tie.

"Mac!" Harm called and she came down the stairs.

"Wow, look at you, Aidan!" she exclaimed adjusting his tie. "You look very grown up and very cute."

Aidan blushed and dropped his head, muttering "Thanks, mom," as he did.

Kissing his cheek, Mac wished him luck before taking on dinner duties while Harm and Aidan left.

On the way to Amelia's Harm wanted to offer Aidan some fatherly advice but he didn't want to add to the boy's nerves. Pulling up around the corner from their intended destination, Harm turned to look at his eldest son.

"I feel I should say something," Harm said. "But I don't quite know what it is you need to hear." Aidan shrugged. He didn't know either. "Is there anything you would like to ask me?" Aidan shrugged once more. Colin had given him some tips for the night over the last few days but it was more man-to-man rather than father-son.

Finally he spoke. "Not now because we don't have time but do you think you and me...well, could we kind of have a...you know...father-son talk sometime?" he asked, chancing a glance at his father.

"Of course we can," Harm replied patting his shoulder.

Pulling up outside the school a few minutes before the designated end of the dance, Harm couldn't help but smile at the memory of Aidan's face when Amelia opened the door. Aidan didn't have to say anything for Harm to know he was very smitten with this young lady and Amelia, for her part, seemed as nervous and smitten as Aidan. He could only hope they had gotten past their nerves and shyness to enjoy the evening.

It wasn't long before teenagers began pouring from the school gates and Harm looked around to see if he could spy Aidan and Amelia. Eventually, after many had left, he saw a familiar looking couple walking out hand in hand and he couldn't help but grin. Then, by the huge elm tree just outside the school gates, Amelia had tugged Aidan's hand and pulled him in for a kiss. Harm knew he shouldn't watch but he couldn't help himself. When others came from behind they pulled apart and both looked a little star-struck. Harm took this opportunity to toot the car horn and wave them over.

Once Amelia had been safely delivered home and Aidan had walked her to her door, she gave him a quick peck on the cheek and disappeared inside her house. Aidan stood there for a few moments before returning to the car, Harm was trying hard not to smirk. After travelling towards home for a few minutes in silence, Harm had to speak.

"So, good night was it?" he asked, glancing across at his son.

"Yeah," replied Aidan with a spreading grin. "Much better than expected."

"Good music?" Harm asked, to keep the conversation going.

"Yeah," he replied. "Everything was pretty good."

"Amelia looked pretty," he commented and Aidan nodded. "You made a lovely couple."

"Dad!" Aidan exclaimed looking at his father for the first time.

"What?" Harm replied, fighting a smile.

"We're not a couple!" he said adamantly.

"Could have fooled me," he said. "I saw the way you looked at each other..."

"Dad!" he interjected. "It was just a dance. We've never gone on a date or anything."

"What about all the 'study sessions' and the time you spend at, what is it... the debate club and quiz club?" Harm asked, his eyes flitting between Aidan and the road.

"We're friends," he answered. "We hang out together and stuff but we're just friends."

"Aha," Harm replied. "Okay then," he said and decided not to mention the kisses and to let the boy off the hook. He couldn't help but think of all the times he had protested about his and Mac's relationship. Perhaps people were right, love could blind you to what was right in front of you.


	3. Chapter 3

_AN: Sorry about the glitches in the first upload of chapter 2 (hopefully, it won't happen with this one). I know I didn't get a second notification of the chapter, once I had deleted then uploaded it again. I'm thinking that others didn't either as there wasn't much of a response to it. Anyway..._

 _Happy Easter to those who celebrate x (Next update will be next week)._

 **First Kiss / Last Breath 3**

Screams of joy, delight and a few of relief echoed around the MacKenzie-Rabb vehicle as they finally pulled into the Roberts' driveway. The nearly three hour trip had taken four and a half thanks to frequent bathroom breaks and Frankie vomiting everywhere which necessitated a forty five minute delay as Harm cleaned up the mess from a projectile vomit. More than once he lamented his choice at putting his youngest child in the centre of the row right behind him, meaning not only had young Frankie covered himself, and the seats alongside, but the console and dashboard as well.

"Auntie Harriet!" Lily exclaimed, clambering from the car. "I've missed you sooo much!" she added, launching herself into her godmother's arms.

"I've missed you too, Lily!" Harriet replied, embracing her. "And look at how much you have grown!"

"I know!" she said proudly. "Mom says I'm growing a mile a minute."

It was hugs and kisses all around as child after child exited the car to be met by an enthusiastic godmother. With it being a Friday morning, Bud was at work and the Roberts' children were in school but it gave the family plenty of time to organise themselves and their belongings as well as lunch and nap before everyone else returned and the house would be utterly chaotic.

While only Frankie was put down for a nap, Aidan decided after a late night the night before and most likely a late night ahead, he too would take the opportunity for a nap. He figured it would also stop Harriet asking about the dance. As Jessie and Lily played in the living room, Harm, Mac and Harriet sat in the kitchen and caught up. Bud was Bud, hardworking, dedicated and doing way too much. AJ was doing well and phoned whenever he could but Harriet was still missing him so much. Nikki seemed to have come out of the problematic puberty phase and was now a far more reasonable and tolerant young lady. She had even cancelled plans to sleepover at a friend's place when she heard Lily and the family were coming. Michael was hardly ever home these days between baseball, football, a part time job helping an elderly neighbour with chores around the house and Jimmy...well, Jimmy was okay. He was still in school but his grades weren't what they used to be. He had a small group of friends, mainly girls, but really only socialised with them at school. His siblings now knew about his sexuality and took it in their stride and the bullying at school seemed to ease up the last time AJ was home and had a word with his friend's younger brother who seemed to be the ringleader. Jimmy never knew just what AJ had said but the teen hadn't said another negative word to him since and strongly discouraged his friends from doing so either.

All the while, Mac couldn't help but think that although Harriet's voice was the same, and while her enthusiasm for her visitors was genuine there was an innate sadness about her. Perhaps it was AJ's absence. Perhaps it was the situation with Jimmy. She knew Harriet had struggled early on from 'empty nest syndrome'; once her twins had gone to school she'd felt lost and disconnected. It was the main reason she had pleaded with Harm and Mac to let her watch Lily as an infant and why they had agreed. Maybe now that all four children were busy doing their own things she felt a little redundant. Now wasn't the time to bring it up but she hoped to have the opportunity sometime during their visit to have a heart to heart.

Even though it was February, Harriet had planned on grilling dinner on the barbecue. After all there were twelve hungry mouths to feed and the enclosed back porch would be an ideal place for everyone to sit and enjoy a meal together. While the males of the clan congregated outside, Harriet and Mac prepared a range of vegetables in the kitchen while the girls made apple pies for dessert.

"We've made three, mom," said Jessie as she used the counter to help her cross the kitchen. "Do you think that will be enough?"

"I think that's plenty," Mac said, wrapping her arms around the child. "They look good."

"Bet they taste better," Jessie grinned. She loved apple pies.

"Lily and Nikki can help Auntie Harriet here for a bit, how about we go do your exercises before dinner and ..." Mac started.

"Oh, mom, do I have?" Jessie interrupted.

"No, you don't have to do it now," she answered. "But it's now or straight after dinner instead of that SingStar competition Uncle Bud was orga..."

"Now, now," she said letting go. "Let's do it now."

It was after dinner when Bud and Harm were organising the troops and the SingStar competition and Harriet and Mac were putting the last of the dishes away that Mac broached the topic of her earlier concerns.

"Harriet," she said, resting her hand on the other woman's arm and stopping her movement. "Can you tell me what's going on?"

"Nothing's going on, ma'am," Harriet said looking away and busying herself with a stack of plates.

'I don't believe you," Mac replied softly. "You are not yourself and you just called me 'ma'am', something you haven't done in years."

Harriet's eyes filled with tears. "Oh, Mac," she managed before Michael came in looking for a drink. Before she could continue, Frankie came in wanting a cuddle from his mommy and then Harm came in searching for Frankie.

"Hi..." he said slowly, well aware something was being interrupted. "Anything I can do?" he asked looking between the women. "Harriet and I need to have a talk, something we can't do here." She handed her son back to his father. "We might just go for a drive and 'run a few errands' if anyone asks."

"Errands, at this hour?" Harm countered knowing no-one would buy the explanation.

"Well, the mall is opened for another few hours," Harriet said. "And Mac did want to look for those boots Jessie needs."

"Errands it is."

The extent of the 'errands' was for Mac and Harriet to go to a nearby diner and sit in a booth with a cup of coffee each.

"So, you were saying," Mac said once the waitress had departed. "What's going on?"

Harriet sighed and then sighed again. She had wanted to talk to Mac about this, had picked up the phone countless times to speak to her. She had even thought about driving up to the farm more than once just to have this conversation but now Mac was in front of her she couldn't quite find the words.

"I...um...I've been...well, I guess you could say I've been struggling for a while," she started haltingly and while Mac wanted to ask questions she knew she needed to wait. "Struggling with AJ being away...with Jimmy being gay...with Nikki and her attitude and with Michael never being home...with...ah...well...I've been thinking about baby Sarah a lot too. Hard to believe she would have been in college now too..."

Mac just nodded and she slipped her hand over Harriet's.

"And for the most part I'm okay...with it all. Bud's been away three times in the past month and I guess I get a lonelier now when he's gone and the kids aren't around. Even thought about having another baby...it would have been nice but would only be a stop gap..." she said before sighing again. "Looked at getting a job or doing some course...you know, refocus on myself for a bit." Mac nodded again.

When Harriet said nothing else, Mac decided it was her turn. "Refocusing on yourself would be a good thing. You've always put everyone else before yourself; you deserve some 'you' time."

"Think I've left it too late," she said, taking a sip of coffee before lifting her eyes up to Mac.

"You're still young, Harriet. You're younger than me," she said quietly. "You've got a whole lot of..."and then she trailed as she caught Harriet's eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Breast cancer."

Mac thought Harriet's words would have hurt her less had they been delivered by a sledgehammer. She couldn't help but gasp when the words registered. "Breast cancer?" she repeated and Harriet nodded. "When did you find out?"

"Monday," she said quietly as a tear slipped down her cheek. "Monday last week."

"And what did the doctor say?" Mac asked, squeezing Harriet's hand.

"Um, I go in for surgery on Tuesday, then start treatment..." she said, swiping at her tears.

"So, it's treatable?" she half stated, half questioned.

"Yeah, I need to have a mastectomy but with that and the chemo he says my prospects are good," Harriet reported.

"Oh, Harriet." It was Mac's turn to sigh. "Thank goodness."

"Thank goodness?" Harriet echoed.

"Yes, thank goodness," Mac repeated. "You have good prospects. I would be absolutely devastated if it was a negative prognosis as would Harm and the kids, not to mention your kids and Bud. What has he said about it?"

"Ah, nothing," she whispered. "I...um...haven't told him."

"Why ever not?" she questioned, knowing Bud would be beside himself that Harriet was bearing this burden alone.

"Well, he wasn't home when I found the lump," she said, slowly. "Then he was away when I went and had the scans and biopsy. He was back for the follow up appointment and I tried to get him to take the afternoon off work and come with me but he said he really couldn't get away."

"Did you tell him what it was for?" Mac asked, surprised Bud wouldn't have moved the moon and stars to be with his wife.

"Ah, no," she said. "Couldn't find the words... and still can't."

"What do you mean?" she prompted.

"Surgery was supposed to be last week but I couldn't bring myself to say anything to him so I postponed it. Doctor wasn't happy but I lied and said Bud was away on investigation and there would be no one for the kids..."

"When were you planning on telling him about Tuesday?" she asked, feeling desperately sad for her two dear friends.

Harriet just shrugged. "I was hoping...well, I kind of thought...that maybe you could help me tell him."

Mac nodded slowly. Not because she wanted to be a part of breaking this news and not because she wanted to willingly help. She nodded because it was the right thing to do.

After more coffee and more conversation, Mac laid out the revised weekend plans.

"Okay, so here's what's going to happen," she said, making sure she had eye contact with Harriet. "Tomorrow, Harm will take all the kids, bar Frankie, to Michael's baseball game..."

"But Nikki doesn't like..." Harriet began to interject.

"Bad luck, she'll be going too," Mac continued. "I will be home with Frankie and you and we will tell Bud. I will then borrow one of your cars and meet Harm at the game. We will take the whole lot out to lunch and then to the fair that you and Bud had spoken about..."

"But that's when you were going to see Mr Webb," Harriet interrupted.

"Harriet, never, even for one minute, think anyone else is more important than you," Mac said firmly.

"But didn't Commander Turner say Mr Webb was dying," she asked, shaking her head.

"He did," Mac replied. "Even taking that into consideration, you are more important to us. Then we will head home Sunday morning and give you time to talk to your kids. Then, on Tuesday, Frankie and I will come back and I..."

"Oh, that's not necessary..." she began to interrupt once more.

"Harriet, on more than one occasion you have dropped everything to come and help us out. This time we are reciprocating, understood?" she said forcefully.

"Understood, ma'am."

When the women returned home, only Harm was really aware the evening hadn't been the carefree shopping trip everyone else assumed it was. It was only after all the children had been bedded down and she and Harm were climbing into bed too, Mac decided it was the best time to fill him in on the sad events of the evening. "Oh, my goodness," was Harm's whispered comment when informed him of the cancer. Then when she went onto explain the change of plans he readily agreed. "Well, Harriet is more important than Webb," he said when Mac began to tell him of Harriet's objection.

"And that's what I told her," Mac said, glad she and Harm were on the same wavelength with this.

The following morning, Harm and Mac purposely let the kids sleep in so there would be a big morning rush to get everyone up and ready and there would be less chance for any of the six intelligent teens or near-teens to question the day's arrangements. By the time Harm was reversing down the driveway, Bud was shaking his head not quite understanding why plans had changed and why he felt like he was missing something.

It was over coffee at the kitchen table while Frankie played on the floor near Mac's feet that the topic was brought up.

"So what is it that I don't know?" Bud asked looking between his wife and friend. "And don't say nothing."

Mac looked at Harriet and gave her an encouraging smile. When she said nothing, Mac spoke.

"This isn't an easy conversation to have," Mac said, looking between her friends. "Bud, you're right, there is something you don't know and while Harriet wants to talk to you about it, she's having trouble finding the words to do so."

"What is it, sweetie?" he asked taking her hands as a whirlwind of negative thoughts raced through his mind.

"I...well," Harriet began hesitantly. "I know I should have told you but you haven't been around much lately and when you were home I just didn't know how to say it and the more I waited the harder it was and..."

"Harriet, what is it?" he asked again, his heart pounding against his ribs.

"I have breast cancer and I need a mastectomy and the surgery's Tuesday," she replied in a gush.

Bud said nothing but moved forward and wrapped his arms around his wife, kissing her head repeatedly. Mac took the opportunity to scoop up Frankie and move into the living room to give them some privacy as Bud came to terms with the news.

Sitting on the floor building blocks with her son, Mac couldn't help her tears which fell at the distress she could hear from the kitchen. While she wanted to go in and hug them both she knew this was a time for husband and wife and so she settled for building towers while Frankie knocked them down.

It was 43 minutes later that Mac felt it was okay to return to the kitchen and took the opportunity to give out those hugs.

"Is there anything I can do?" she asked, looking between the pair. "Okay then," she continued when both shook their heads. "Frankie and I might just grab your keys and go rescue Harm from all those kids." Both just nodded.

Drawing on her all her past skills, Mac pulled up at the baseball field and took several deep breaths as she shut out the emotions of the morning and plastered on her 'everything's okay' face. While the kids would be none the wiser, Harm would see through it but that was okay as he already doing the same thing himself.

It was later in the afternoon as the extended family were engaged in various activities at the fair that Mac took the opportunity for some comfort from her husband's arms.

"You doing okay?" he whispered as he kissed her head.

"Yeah," she said with a sad sigh. "Just wish I could make it all better."

"How'd Bud take it?" Harm asked holding her a little tighter.

"As well as you would expect," she replied, looking up at him.

"Is there anything we can do?" he questioned, his eyes on his twins and Aidan on the ride in front of them.

"Well, I've been texting Harriet and she suggested bring the kids home around 1600, give them time to rest and then we all go out for dinner. She suggested Romano's..." she said, as she bent down to adjust the blanket over a sleeping Frankie.

"We haven't been there in so long," Harm said. "Used to be one of Lily's favourite."

"That's what Harriet said," Mac continued. "It will also take the pressure off them and the kids will be more interested in what they're having for dessert to be asking too many questions..."

"Romano's it is."

Over dinner, Harriet fussed over Frankie and the youngest set of twins and Mac let her, knowing she needed to keep busy. Harm ensured conversation was kept up, directing new questions at various people whenever there was a lull, lest someone ask where Bud and Harriet had been that day. Sitting alongside Jessie, Bud was fairly quiet. Helping her where necessary but not saying a lot.

"Are you okay, Uncle Bud?" she finally said after she'd tried for his attention three times.

"I'm fine, thanks, honey," he replied, pouring the water she had wanted his help with.

"You look kinda sad," she observed and he shook his head, this was one perceptive little girl.

"Nah," said Jimmy who was on the other side of his father. "He always looks like this when he's thinking about a big case, don't you, dad?"

Bud nodded and Jimmy winked at him. He may not have known the exact goings on of the day and he knew his father didn't have a case but he didn't think a crowded, noisy table at Romano's was the place for a heart to heart with the pre-teen.

The following day, when the MacKenzie-Rabb plans changed from leaving after an early lunch to leaving after a late breakfast, the Roberts' twins knew something was up. Michael knew his mom loved having them visit and would do anything in her power to have them stay longer, not leave earlier. As she wasn't protesting in the least he knew there had to be a problem. Nikki had similar thoughts but thought maybe there had been a falling out between the two couples.

As the departing vehicle reversed out of the driveway and the last waves were seen, Jimmy looked at his family scattered around the front porch. "So," he said, focusing on his parents. "Who is going to tell us what's wrong?"

Five minutes later, in the living room which was usually a place of noise and activity, Harriet's news was met with stunned silence. There were no words, no tears, no sounds.

"So, this operation," Michael finally said. "Do they just chop...cut...it off?"

"In effect, yes," replied Harriet. "Just with a little more care and precision, hopefully." She tried to laugh but it fell flat.

"Won't that look..." he began but Nikki interjected.

"Who cares what it looks like?" she all but yelled. "The bigger question is will that stop the cancer?"

"It will remove the cancer," Harriet explained quietly. "Then the doctor will decide what sort of therapy treatment I need."

"Then it will be gone?" Michael half said, half asked.

"God willing," Bud replied, his first utterances on the matter. "I know this is all very scary but your mom's prognosis is really good. She has a great specialist and he is very optimistic."

Jimmy sighed and took everything said on-board. "Well, you know, mom, you have all our love and support. We will help with anything we can and you just have to concentrate on getting better."

The conversation on the same matter took place at the MacKenzie-Rabb home over dinner. Mac had gone and spoken to Mattie and Colin upon their return. As adults, she felt they should know the full story while the children could be told just the basic facts. She also wanted to check their availability during the week to help Harm with the daily chores of running a busy household when she returned to support Harriet. Over dinner, with the whole family present, Harm informed them of Aunty Harriet's bad news but reassured them she would be fine and that mommy was going to go and make sure of it. While no one was overly impressed that Mac was going away, they all agreed that Aunty Harriet was loved and very important and that this was a small price to pay to help her return to health. It wasn't until after midnight that Lily's true feelings on the matter became apparent.

"Mommy," she said, tugging on Mac's arm as she lay fully ensconced in her husband's arms. "Mommy."

"Mmm, Lily," she croaked, rolling over to find a tear-stained face covered by wild curly brown hair. "Oh, baby, what's wrong?" she asked as she pulled her into bed with them.

"Is Aunty Harriet going to die?" she asked, rubbing the heel of her hand across her face.

"No, Lily, no," she said, kissing her head. "One day we all die, you know that, baby, but Aunty Harriet's doctor is very positive and says that in a few months she'll be as good as new."

"Are you sure?" she asked, snuggling closer. "'Cos I really love her and I don't want anything bad to happen to her."

"She really loves you too and she'd be sad that this is making you so sad," Mac said, kissing her head again.

Lily yawned and then yawned again. "Mom, I love you and don't want anything bad to happen to you either."


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Thanks for the enthusiasm for this continuing saga. I am quite fond of this not-so-little family.

 **First Kiss / Last Breath 4**

Despite all the pre-planning, it was Mac alone that headed to DC early on Tuesday morning. Though she had packed Frankie's things the night before, Harm had dissuaded her from taking the child with her by reminding her that while he would be a good distraction, that perhaps countless hours at the hospital weren't really ideal for their little boy. While she really didn't want to leave the child behind, Mac agreed, conceding the focus really needed to be on Harriet and not trying to contain an active toddler.

Walking into Bethesda's oncology ward, just before 0800, Mac smiled when she saw Bud in the waiting room. Instantly he was on his feet.

"They're just finalising paperwork and prepping her in her room before taking her to the OR," he said quickly, without greeting. "She's a little anxious but okay and was a little teary about the kids but okay."

"Breathe, Bud," Mac said gently before embracing him. "How are you doing this morning?" she asked as she gestured for him to sit once more.

"Oh," he said, taking a breath, "Sorry, good morning to you, Mac. Thank you so much for coming," he said, remembering his manners.

"You're welcome, and no need to apologise," she said, squeezing his hand. "So I half expected the kids to be here. Are they in school?"

"No, home," he said. "They were ready to come but Harriet said no," he explained quietly. "She said she didn't want to think about them being out here stressed but conceded their minds wouldn't be on school, so they could stay home."

"Well, how about when everything is done here this morning and Harriet is in recovery, I go and get them?" Mac suggested. "I'm sure they'll be as desperate to see her as she will them."

'Yeah, sounds…" Bud began before looking around as the doctor called his name. "Yes, ma'am?" he asked as he stood.

"We'll be heading to the OR in a few moments," Commander McEvoy explained. "Your wife has no further questions. Do you?"

"Ah, no, no, I don't," he said slowly before looking at Mac.

"How long will it take?" Mac asked, standing alongside him.

"All things considered," the doctor said. "I think Harriet should be back in her room a little before noon."

It was a long morning, a very long one and no amount of small talk or coffee runs made it go quicker.

Finally, the OR doors opened and Dr McEvoy appeared, Bud and Mac were instantly on their feet. "It's all good, all good," she said quickly, taking in their expressions. "We're settling Harriet into recovery now and you'll be able to see her for a few minutes, Bud. It was all very textbook. No surprises, no complications."

Bud paled and both the doctor and Mac grabbed an arm each and eased him into a chair.

"I'll get you some water," Mac said, moving to a nearby drinking fountain as the doctor spoke quietly to Bud.

"Thanks," he said as he took the cup. "I'm okay, really."

As the doctor departed, Mac sat alongside Bud and watched him carefully. "I'm really okay," he repeated, patting Mac's hand. "Just hugely relieved."

"I bet," she said with a smile. "I'm sure you'll feel even better when you get to see her."

Bud just smiled, that was something he couldn't wait for.

"Do you want to call the kids…or I can call them?" she offered and Bud shook his head.

"Nah, I want to see her for myself before that," he said quietly. "Just to be sure…you know?"

Mac nodded and took his hand once more. "Through our nearly three hour wait, you never once answered any question related to how you were doing with all of this," Mac observed.

"Didn't quite have the words," he said, his eyes filling with tears. "I love her so much, you know? And while we were both pretty confident this was going to be as straightforward as the doctor predicted, it has devastated me that Harriet couldn't tell me herself."

"She didn't want to exclude you," Mac said gently. "You weren't home and she couldn't find the words to tell you."

"I've been away too frequently of late," he said dejectedly. "Missed Harriet and the kids so much this past year..."

"They understand duty," she said, squeezing his hand.

"I know," he agreed. "Doesn't mean they have to…I have to …like it," he said, getting to his feet once more as a nurse came for him.

Recovery was a place Bud knew all too well from both his own and his wife's previous surgeries. Each time he entered, it filled him with dread. How he hated hospitals…the noises, the sounds, the smells.

"Hey, sweetie," he said as he approached Harriet's bed and was greeted with a tired smile. "How are you doing?"

"Ehhh," she replied with a half shrug.

"Dr McEvoy said everything went well," he reassured her as he kissed her head. "All straightforward."

"Good," she muttered before her eyes fluttered closed once more.

"Love you, so much, Harriet," he said, kissing her head once more.

Then, all too soon, teary-eyed, he was ushered back to the waiting room. Mac was, once again, on her feet.

"How is Harriet?" she asked, wrapping an arm around Bud's shoulders.

"Tired, okay, sleeping," he said with a relieved sigh.

"Great," Mac said with more enthusiasm than she felt. "Would you like me to go and get the kids?"

"Yeah," he said with a nod. "I'll call them and let them know all is well and you're coming for them. Then I'll call AJ."

On her drive out to the Roberts' house, Mac took the chance to call home as she negotiated the traffic. She did not miss driving in city areas in the least. Using hands-free, she commanded the phone to call Harm and then waited.

"You idiot!" she growled.

"Mac? What did I do?" came Harm's surprised voice down the line.

"Not you," she replied. "The idiot in front of me who won't pick a lane to drive in."

"Oooh, and you wonder why I always insist on driving when we're there," Harm said with a laugh.

"You can have it," she said, shaking her head. "Anyway," she continued with a breath, "how's your morning been?"

"Great," he replied. "Kids were all very cooperative going to school, Frankie's hanging out with Colin and I am being very productive in the office," he reported.

"Good to hear," she replied, unsure whether Harm's positivity was genuine or just for her benefit, given the reason she wasn't there.

"How did it go with Harriet?" he asked, more subdued.

"Pretty good," she said slowly as she negotiated a corner. "Doctor was happy with the surgery, all pretty textbook apparently."

"That is good news," Harm offered as he played with a pen.

"It is," she concurred. "Bud...I don't think he's doing all that good," Mac said before filling Harm on all the events of the morning.

"Well, tonight when the kids are asleep, I'll give him a call and have a chat," Harm suggested. "See if I can offer any support from here."

Even though Bud had called his youngest children and reassured them all went well with their mother, the three teens all converged on Mac as soon as she appeared on the doorstep. Hugs, kisses and greetings ensued before Mac invited herself into the house, Nikki still wrapped in her arms.

"Dad said everything is good," said Jimmy. "Well, as good as expected," he clarified. "Is it?"

"It is," Mac confirmed. "The doctor was very pleased and your mum came through the surgery well."

"Okay, so we can go now," said Michael. "Right?"

"We can go soon," Mac corrected. "Your mum still needs to be moved from recovery to her room, which should be happening about now and visiting hours start at 2:00, so we have time." Michael was about to protest but Mac continued. "Right now, I would like to use the bathroom, have some decent coffee and apparently there's your mum's famous quiche for lunch that she made yesterday."

While the teens were going to protest they didn't. Mac's words may have seemed like a wish or suggestion but they knew they were not and they'd be going nowhere soon.

Just before the official visiting time began, the previously eager trio were all a little reluctant as they walked the corridor to their mother's room. Gone was the chatter, the energy, the impatience, and in its place was fear. Fear of cancer, fear of what their mother would look like, fear of seeing the same fear in their father's eyes.

"Come on," Mac encouraged as they dithered outside the door. "I bet she can't wait to see you all."

"Yeah, okay," Jimmy said with a deep breath, taking a step toward the door. "Maybe we just need to go in one at a time," he added, letting go of the handle. "Right, Auntie Mac?"

"Do you want me to go in and check first?" she asked, looking at each of the teens as they nodded.

Slipping into the room, Mac noticed Harriet and Bud were both asleep. Bud in the chair and Harriet in bed, the movement caused Harriet to stir and she smiled as soon as she saw Mac.

"Are the kids here?" she said with a widening smile.

"They are," Mac replied, rubbing Harriet's arm. "They were very eager to come and make sure you were doing well," she added as she fixed the blanket.

"Were?" Harriet asked looking to the closed door.

"I think the reality hit them as the elevator door opened," she replied. "I think they may be a little daunted about the whole thing."

"Don't blame them," she said with a sigh. "I'm a bit daunted myself."

Mac just smiled before kissing Harriet's head. "Now, Jimmy feels it may be better with only one of them at time. How do you want to do this?"

Closing her eyes, Harriet took a deep breath. "Perhaps," she said, opening her eyes once more. "Perhaps this time all together. Don't really have the energy to have the same conversation three times, let alone deal with all the emotion that goes with it."

"Okay, altogether it is then," Mac replied, "I'll get them."

Tears fell as soon as the door opened. Silent tears trickling down the cheeks of Nikki, Michael and Harriet, Jimmy trying to remain brave and stoic, just like his dad. Kisses and hugs were exchanged gingerly and "I love you" was said and echoed repeatedly. Questions were asked and honest answers were given but no one ventured past the here and now.

The afternoon was spent in a quiet haze of tears and subdued chatter. Nothing of much consequence was discussed, aside from Harriet's health and homework and yet no one was keen for the visit to finish. Eventually, when Mac watched Bud yawn again and again, she decided to act.

"Now, I know you all love your mum and want to be here, but she, more than anyone, needs a lot of rest," Mac said, holding Harriet's hand in one hand and Nikki's in the other. "So…"

"You're right, Mac," Bud interrupted. "It's been a long day and there's dinner to consider. So, if you want to…"

"No," Mac said shaking her head. "I think you take the kids, get dinner, get some fresh air, maybe a nap and I'll stay with Harriet…if that's okay with you?" Harriet squeezed her hand. From Mac's own experience, she knew how hard it was for kids to leave their mother in hospital, and how they coped better leaving with their father than someone else.

"I'd rather…" Bud began and this time Mac interrupted.

"I know," she agreed before he explained. "But you can come back tonight. Just thought a break would do you good. Harriet and I could have some girl talk." She smiled at Bud and tilted her head towards Harriet, hoping Bud would understand that the happy couple might need a few hours apart to relax and get ready for the challenges ahead.

"Sounds like a good idea," Harriet said before yawning. "I think I'll sleep the next few hours anyway."

So more kisses and hugs were exchanged gingerly and "I love you" was said and echoed repeatedly. On the pretext of getting a drink from the vending machine, Mac walked out of the room with the kids leaving Bud to say his goodbye in private.

"You know, I'd rather stay with you," he said, leaning down and resting his forehead on hers.

"I know," Harriet whispered, "But Mac's right, and you're exhausted. Take a break for the next couple of hours and then come back once the kids are settled for the evening. Then Mac can go home and be with the kids and get an early night."

"The kids don't need a babysitter, and I don't need a nap," he said drawing back. "I'd rather stay."

"Bud, honey, I know," she said before yawning. "But honestly, this is only day one on a long road, I'm not going anywhere, so you need to take care of you while you can and Mac will take care of me."

While Harriet knew Bud wasn't impressed with Mac making the call on the plans for himself and the kids, she also knew she had asked her repeatedly during a phone call the day before to ensure Bud looked after himself and took some time for the kids and Mac was just trying to do this for her.

"If you can," she continued, squeezing his hand, "Can you bring me in my vitamin E cream? I left it on the dresser."

"Sure," he replied, kissing her forehead. "Just get Mac to call if you think of anything else I can do for you."

"I can think of one other thing," she said softly, before tugging him by the shirt and kissing him.

Smiling bravely as her husband departed, Harriet was swiping away tears as Mac returned.

"Here you go," she said gently, handing over a Kleenex. "I can take the kids home and get Bud to stay…"

"No, no," she said quickly. "As I said yesterday, this was the best plan."

"Just hard to see them go, isn't it?" Mac said drawing up the chair alongside the bed.

"Yeah," Harriet said with a sniffle. "Always is."

Meanwhile, Mac's kids were having their own mommy issues. While understanding that Aunty Harriet was sick and needed mommy's help, Harry decided she'd helped enough and should have been back home by bedtime. Very vocal about his opinion, Rosie soon decided to join in the debate and when Harm returned from tucking Frankie into bed, the twins and Jessie were tearful, distressed messes in the living room.

"I tried to get them to stop," said Lily as Harm came to the door. "But they're just wah, wah, wah!"

"What's all the fuss?" he said, sitting on the floor alongside the trio.

"I want mommy," Rosie said tearfully climbing into Harm's lap. "I want to show her my book from school."

"And I want to show her mine too," added Harry sitting on his father's leg.

"What about you, Jess?" he asked, reaching over and rubbing her back. Jessie just shrugged. "Okay, you two first. Why don't you show me your books? We can read them before bed."

"No, want to show mommy!" Harry protested. "It's mommy's turn for the books. You did last night."

"But mommy's not here," Harm said. "So daddy gets to do it."

"I wanted to show mommy my quiz paper," Lily said, trying to help. "But I have to wait til she's home."

"You can show me your quiz paper, Lil," Harm said. "I'd love to see it."

"Okay, dad," she said before running to get it.

Perusing the paper shoved in his face while simultaneously trying to soothe his unsettled twins, Harm was pleased with what he was seeing.

"Wow! 96% on your geography quiz," he said proudly. "That's a great effort, Lily, well done."

"Thanks, dad," she said, grinning. "And I can show mom when she's home, can't I? Just like she can see the twins' books."

"That's right," he agreed.

Another five minutes of calming and cajoling and soon it was a brighter mood in the living room. Even Jessie has smiled which pleased Harm, even though he was unsure as to what her problem had been. By the time Mac Skyped them, things were happier and the twins went to bed pleased Mac had seen their new books. It was after she'd concluded the call, she texted Harm to ask what was wrong with Jessie. He promised he'd call when they were asleep and he had a few minutes to himself…and hopefully a few answers.

The night routine for the four youngsters went better than Harm had anticipated, given the earlier scenes and he was more than pleased with himself when the twins fell asleep within minutes. Lily was happy to read in bed for a while she waited for Jessie to be ready for bed. Jessie, however, was reluctant about the whole bed thing and Harm couldn't figure out why.

It was Mac who had the epiphany as she sat beside Harriet at Bethesda.

"Shit!" she said suddenly, startling Harriet.

"What is it?" Harriet said, adjusting herself in the bed as Mac scrambled for her phone.

"Jessie!" she said, shaking her head. "She's not going to want Harm to put her to bed."

"Why?" Harriet asked, concerned.

"She's fine with Harm doing her exercises and helping her transfer when needed," Mac explained, her phone in her hand "And she's independent in using the toilet, which is great."

"But?" Harriet prompted.

"She still wears a night diaper and needs help putting it on," Mac explained, "And doesn't want anyone to know."

While Harm knew she wore one, he always feigned ignorance so Jessie still believed it was her and Mac's secret. Now, with Mac gone for the night, Harm would have to be the one to help. There were two scenarios running through her head. Either Jessie would be completely mortified if she had to ask Harm or Jessie wouldn't ask and possibly wet the bed and then be mortified in the morning. Either way it would be hard on the youngster.

Texting Harm and Mattie at the same time, her first text just said 'Jessie diaper'.

The second one suggested Mattie call over and see if Jessie needed help in Mac's absence and see if the child would ask.

Fifteen painful minutes later, Mac's phone buzzed and she smile.

"Good result?" asked Harriet, mirroring Mac's smile.

"Yep," she said. "Diaper on, happy child, almost asleep now," she said reading Harm's response.

"I know they need you there," Harriet said quietly. "But I'm very glad you're here. Thank you."

"No need to thank me," Mac said taking her hand. "Family does for family. Isn't that what you always tell me?"

"It is," she said with a nod. "But I always find it easier to give help than receive it."

"Me too," Mac agreed. "But over the years you have taught me that receiving help or asking for help are not weaknesses, especially when it comes from family. It's why we are more than happy when Trish and Frank are with us. It's why it's great Mattie and Colin live next door. It wasn't really all that long ago I wouldn't let anyone help me. I was closed off. It's part of the reason it took so long to accept I was in love with Harm and even longer to accept he truly loved me. But once I realised it didn't have to be me against the world, that I could let people in, that I could love others and they could love me, then it was easier to accept help – not easy but easier."

"Your life is certainly far removed from that of the young Major I first met at Falls Church," Harriet said.

"So far removed," Mac agreed. "That some days I wonder if it really was my previous life."

"I know you always wanted a family," Harriet said. "Ever think it would be this one?"

"No, not at all," she said with a chuckle. "I hoped to have a family… hoped it would be with Harm…prayed there'd be a baby...but this… living on a farm in Bellevue, seven kids, a son-in-law, a grandson, and parents-in-law…not in a billion years."

"I am very happy for you, Mac. You deserve all that love and happiness," Harriet said, squeezing her hand.

"Thanks," she said returning the squeeze. "But you know what, I doubt I'd have any of it if it wasn't for you."

"Really?" Harriet asked surprised. "What do you mean?"

Mac considered her response. How did she put into words just how much Harriet had helped her?

"You were my role model," she finally said. "You were the mother I wanted to be…the mother I would have wanted for myself…I would want for any child I had. You always made it look so easy, even though I know it wasn't. You also gave me the absolute honour of being AJ's godmother. I know I'm godmother to them all now, and I love them all, however, the fact you trusted me to hold such a role in your precious baby's life, made me think I had something to offer a child…that I could contribute to his life…that I…I…"

"You what?" Harriet prompted, tears on her cheeks.

"That I could be part of a family," she said tearfully. "And I don't think I ever thanked you for doing that for me."

A little before 8:00 PM, Bud reappeared in the room and Mac departed, promising to be in in the morning as Bud had to go into the office for a briefing. Using the bathroom down the corridor, Mac took in her appearance in the mirror. The harsh fluorescent light showed all her wrinkles, the grey hairs which were appearing with greater frequency, the bags under her eyes and she grinned. She may be getting older, she may be tired, but she was living life and, finally, having the best time.

Stepping into the elevator, Mac pressed the button and leant against the wall, resting her head against the cold steel of the cabin. Tired but happy, she closed her eyes and waited for the descent to the first floor. When the doors slid apart Mac opened her eyes and went to step out before she realised it wasn't her floor, it was someone coming in.

"Good evening, Sarah," came a familiar voice. "I am so glad you've come to visit my son."

Mac wasn't tired or happy anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

First Kiss / Last Breath 5

Standing up straight, fully alert, Mac took in the woman in front of her. Porter Webb looked so much older than when she last saw her at Mandalay. She looked tired and worn and her appearance wasn't as immaculate as it had always been. No doubt testament to the distress of watching her precious son's health battle.

"I am afraid you are mistaken," Mac said. "I am just leaving. I had no intention of visiting your son."

When the doors opened once more, Mac departed quickly, ignoring the fact it wasn't the floor she wanted. Taking the nearby stairs, Mac double-timed it down to the first floor and was making her way through the lobby towards the car park when she was stopped once more.

"Ma'am, please wait," said an aide who had been with Porter Webb in the elevator. "Mrs. Webb would like to continue this conversation. Her son, Clayton, is gravely ill and has been asking to see you and your husband."

"Whilst I am sorry for Mrs. Webb's distress," Mac said coolly. "Neither my husband nor I will be seeing Clayton. Good night."

Within minutes, Mac was back in her car, the doors locked, and heading towards Maryland. Her pulse racing, her thoughts in overdrive, Mac tried hard to clear her head and focus on the traffic but images of Clayton Webb flashed through her mind. While she stood by the conclusion she and Harm had come to; that being they owed him nothing, it still wasn't an easy task to ignore the wishes of a dying man.

Distracted upon her return to the Roberts' residence, Mac wasn't overly interested in the dinner Michael presented her with, nor was she answering Jimmy's questions to his liking. After a mumbled sibling conference in the living room, Nikki, as the self-appointed spokesperson, sat down next to Mac at the kitchen table.

"Mom's sicker than you guys are saying, isn't she?" Nikki asked tearfully and Mac was jolted back to the real reason she was in DC.

"No, no, honey," Mac said quickly, taking Nikki's hand. "Your mom's doing well. She was able to eat some of her dinner tonight, and didn't need any pain meds."

"So, if you're telling the truth, why do you look so …" Nikki's comment trailed as she tried to pick the correct word.

"Distracted?" Mac finally offered and Nikki nodded. "I ran into someone I once knew as I left the hospital…it didn't go too well."

"An old boyfriend?" Nikki said with her eyes widening.

"No…, I," she said slowly, shaking her head. "His mother."

"Wow!" she said, leaning forward in her chair. "It's hard to think of you with anyone other than Uncle Harm."

"I know, isn't it?" Mac said with a slow smile.

"Was this boyfriend before you met Uncle Harm?" Nikki asked curiously.

"Ah, no…" Mac answered honestly.

"After?" she asked surprised and Mac nodded. "You cheated on Uncle Harm?"

"No! Never!" Mac said emphatically, "Harm and I had a long and complicated history before we married. We both had other romantic partners before we came to our senses and realised we were the only ones for each other."

"And this old boyfriend's mom, she upset you at the hospital?" Nikki probed as Mac started to eat the pasta in front of her.

"She didn't mean to," Mac said, as Nikki filled the water glass for her. "She just wanted me to see her son."

"Doesn't she know you're married to Uncle Harm?" she questioned, pushing the glass across the table.

"She wanted Harm and me to see him. He, her son, isn't very well," Mac said, trying to choose her words carefully. "Wanted us…me to visit."

"So are you going to?" she asked curiously.

"Ah, no, I don't think so," Mac said honestly. "The relationship between Harm and I and this man was extremely complicated and we have moved on."

"But is he really sick? Sick like dying?" she continued to question. Mac nodded. "And you're not going to see him?" Mac nodded again. "Wow! Do…"

"I'm sorry, Nikki," Mac interrupted her. "I have a growing headache and just want to have some dinner, not think of him anymore tonight and get an early night."

While Nikki reluctantly conceded and moved onto other things, Mac went through the motions and once all three teens were in bed, she took herself into AJ's room and readied herself for bed. Crawling between the sheets, Mac sent a short text to Harm. 'If you're free, call me'. Her phone buzzed within the minute.

"Hey gorgeous," he said when she answered. "Long day?"

"Oh yeah," she said with a sigh. "All the kids asleep?"

"Yes, ma'am," he replied. "Just checked them a few minutes ago before I climbed into bed myself."

"Well, these kids are all in bed now and I've just climbed in myself," she said, playing with the sheet. "Bud's still at the hospital though."

"I called him earlier but he said it really wasn't convenient to talk as he was with the kids but would get back to me in the next day or so when he had a little more privacy," Harm related.

"Yeah, he said as much at the hospital," Mac concurred. "Said he hoped he hadn't offended you but didn't really want a detailed conversation with the kids hanging around. I said you'd understand and not to worry about it."

"Well, I certainly do understand," he replied, looking at a photo of his wife on the side table. "How's Harriet faring tonight?"

"Pretty good, all things considered," she said with a yawn. "Not looking forward to the impending treatment regime but, as always, positive about it."

"And how are you, gorgeous?" he questioned, wishing he could hold her.

"I'm doing okay," she replied quietly.

"And the truth would be?" he prompted, knowing the voice he was hearing was not an 'okay' one.

Taking a deep breath, Mac steeled herself for the coming conversation while Harm did the same in anticipation.

"When I was in the elevator coming down from Harriet's room, Porter Webb got on," she said closing her eyes. "She thought I was there to see Clayton."

"What happened?" he questioned, wishing they were on Skype and he could see her for himself.

"Said I wasn't seeing him and left," she reported. "Then one of her aides stopped me and said Clayton really did want to see us and I said no again and hightailed it out of there. I know when we were coming down on the weekend we'd planned to see him but Harriet's health is my main priority and I really couldn't face seeing him without you."

"How are you feeling about it all now?" he asked, not wanting to assume anything.

"Wish I knew," she replied honestly. "Wish I knew."

When she awoke at 0115, Mac was feeling very guilty about denying a dying man his final wish. When she awoke at 0327, she was angry that Webb still had power to control her thoughts and life. When she awoke at 0615 to the sounds of Jimmy's alarm, she just felt exhausted.

"Hi Aunty Mac," Jimmy said when she appeared in the kitchen. "Can I get you anything?"

"No thanks, sweetie," she said. "I'll just grab some coffee."

"You look tired, didn't you sleep well in AJ's bed?" he questioned as he ate his toast.

"AJ's bed is fine," she replied with a smile. "Just a lot on my mind."

"Mom or your old boyfriend?" Jimmy asked and Mac's eyes widened. "Oh, sorry, it's just Nikki said…"

"Both," she said honestly.

"Will you go and see your old 'friend' when you go see mom this morning?" he asked and Mac wanted to know when the Roberts' kids became so inquisitive. Then she remembered who their mother was.

"I don't think so," she said, getting up from the table. "Might just go call home before they head to school," she added, effectively ending the conversation.

At Bethesda an hour later, Mac assisted Harriet to the bathroom before helping her to change from her hospital gown into her own nightgown and brushing her hair.

"That feels better," Harriet said as she made her way to the armchair alongside her bed. "I feel a little more like myself now."

"Is there anything I can get you?" Mac asked as she settled Harriet into the chair and draped a blanket across her legs.

"No, thanks, Mac," Harriet replied. "Oh…actually…"

Upon Harriet's request, Mac made her way down to the cafeteria for a chai tea for the patient and latte for herself and, perhaps, a little treat for morning tea. Surveying the area, Mac made sure she noted who was around her and, probably more to the point, who wasn't there. She didn't want another unexpected encounter. As she waited for the hot beverages, Mac saw a couple of dark suited men enter and her stomach lurched, as it was they paid her no attention and sat down at a nearby table still fully engaged in the conversation they were having. Shaking her head, Mac grabbed her phone to distract herself and scrolled through the photo gallery seeking comfort in the faces of her children.

"Good morning, Sarah," came a woman's voice from behind and Mac froze momentarily.

Turning around, she grinned widely. "Good morning, Dr Mollison, so lovely to see you," she said.

"What's got you in Bethesda at this hour of the day?" her doctor asked. "Harm and the children are all well, I hope."

"Everyone's fine," she reported proudly. "My friend, Harriet Roberts, had surgery yesterday and I'm here to keep her company."

"I'm sorry to hear your friend is unwell," Dr Mollison said. "But I'm sure she's in good hands."

"She is," Mac said. "Just like I was during all my times here."

Dr Mollison smiled. "So how is that miracle baby going?"

"Remarkably well," Mac beamed. "He is smashing all his milestones, and is quite the little boy now."

"That is very pleasing to hear," she replied, before ordering her coffee.

"Well, he has lots of kids to copy being the youngest of seven," Mac said with a laugh and the doctor's eyebrows raised.

"Seven?" she echoed. "He was your third pregnancy, your fourth child, wasn't he?"

"Oh, biologically, yes," Mac confirmed, picking up her two drinks. "But we expanded our family through adoption and now there's seven, a son-in-law and a grandson in the mix as well."

"Oh, Sarah, I think we need to book you in for a double appointment next time to catch up on all your news … and maybe to give you a few minutes rest," Dr Mollison said with a laugh.

Soon after Mac headed back to the elevator to return to Harriet's room, feeling very happy with the morning's encounter and thinking of just how far she'd come since she first met Dr Mollison as they tried to conceive Lily.

"Seven children and a grandchild," Porter Webb said from behind her as they waited for the elevator. "Farm life must afford you more time on your hands than military life did."

Mac said nothing.

"I am sure you are very proud of your family," she continued, following Mac into the cabin as the doors slid opened, her aide a step behind. "And that you love them all … that you would do anything for them."

Mac still said nothing.

"I am sure you know how much I love my son, how I would do anything to assist him," Porter continued. "Some might say I have interfered too much over the years, I just say I was being his mother. You understand that, don't you, Sarah?"

Mac finally looked at her but said nothing.

"This is a fight I cannot help my son with," Porter said, her eyes filling with tears. "We are not talking about weeks or months anymore. The specialist says days at the most. Clayton has been asking for you and your husband for a while now. He does not want to pass without making his peace with you both. He is becoming quite insistent about it."

Mac went to speak but Porter stopped her. "Before you say anything, I know you have endured more than you should have thanks to Clayton and his exploits, I know you owe him nothing. Regardless, I am his mother, and getting you to see him, or at least trying, is the last thing I can do for him…other than burying him. So, for the last time, I will ask you to consider visiting him. If you change your mind, he is in a private room on 7 East, but time is now of the essence."

Distracted upon her return the room, Mac failed to answer Harriet's first and second questions.

"What's going on, Mac?" she asked, as Mac perched herself on the bed as Harriet remained in the armchair.

"Sorry," she said, with a shake of her head. "I'm not being the best of friends, am I?"

"What's going on?" Harriet repeated and Mac turned her cup in her hand before relating the whole sorry saga that was Clayton Webb.

"And you know what?" Mac said, concluding her monologue. "As resistant as I was to ever seeing him again, I think I will go and visit and I don't know if it is because of what was once between us…because of what he did to help Harm on several occasions or for the fact that this time…this time I really need to see that he's dying…or dead. I know it sounds callous, but…"

"But, he 'died' on you once before," Harriet said quietly. "And your grief was real."

"It was…" Mac agreed. "And I can never forgive him for that."  
"Do you think…No…" she stopped herself shaking her head.

"What?" Mac prompted.

"I feel bad speaking ill of Mr Webb," Harriet said quietly. "But do you think he is really sick this time…that he's actually dying?"

"After considering everything," Mac said slowly. "Yes, I think so."

"Are you going to visit him by yourself or wait for Harm?" Harriet asked before yawning.

"I'd prefer to wait for Harm but given he has his hands full on the farm and time, apparently, is of the essence," Mac said quietly. "Then I'll probably go by myself."

"If you want someone with you, then I could come…or Bud," Harriet offered and Mac smiled. A day after surgery when she had every right to be thinking of herself, Harriet was still putting the needs of others before her own.

"Thanks for the offer, Harriet, but I'm sure I'll be fine," Mac said before taking a deep breath. Now, she just needed to tell Harm of her new train of thought.

Having been at Headquarters for the morning and having finished his briefing and all commitments for the next few weeks, Bud sat at his desk. After considering all he had to do in the coming days, he decided his first job would be to return Harm's call from the day before.

"Hi, Harm," he said as his friend picked up the call. "Not catching you at a bad time, am I?" he asked quickly.

"Not at all," Harm replied, closing the account file he was working on. "My boss is pretty good," he added with a laugh. "How are things this morning?"

"Well, wrapped up all commitments at HQ and heading over to Bethesda shortly," Bud reported. "Spoke to Harriet this morning and she's in good spirits. McEvoy visited this morning and was happy with the way things are progressing. Thinks the drainage tube can come out in the morning and maybe Harriet can be discharged by Friday."

"Great," Harm replied. "I'm sure she'll recover better at home than in hospital. I know Mac did."

"She will," Bud agreed. "No being woken up at all hours just to see how you're feeling and if you're sleeping."

"Nope," Harm agreed, having spent his share of time in hospital too. "And the food's much better at your place too."

Bud laughed. "So Mac says too."

Once the conversation hit a lull, Harm went with the reason behind his call the day before.

"So, Bud," he started and Bud steeled himself. "How are you doing with all this?"

"So long as Harriet's okay, I don't have a care in the world," he answered honestly, though not specifically what Harm was after.

"Bud?" was all his friend had to say before Bud continued.

"Well, between you and I, Harm," he started once more. "I honestly don't know. So very happy and relieved the surgery is over and it all went so well. Somewhat distressed that we still need to face the treatment regime."

"Understandable," Harm replied. "Though by all accounts the prognosis is very positive and Harriet should respond very well."

"Yes," he agreed. "In the scheme of things we are very lucky … there are others who don't fare so well."

"I know," Harm agreed. "But, back to my original question that you seem to be avoiding, how are 'you' doing? My wife has sent continual updates about Harriet but what about you?" Bud considered his answer. There wasn't one word he could select that would sum up his feelings on the situation they found themselves in. Stunned, shocked, taken aback, saddened, concerned, devastated, lost, powerless… he was feeling all those and more. "Bud?"

"Helpless," he finally said quietly. "I feel helpless. My wife has an insidious disease I couldn't stop, I wasn't there when she found the lump…wasn't there for the doctor's appointment … she had to reschedule the surgery because she couldn't tell me…wanted Mac there yesterday rather than me…can't do the treatment for her …so effectively, I have been absolutely no support to my wife and I'm feeling a whole lot of everything but helpless sums it up."

Harriet was asleep in her bed after lunch while Mac dozed in the chair. When the door opened slowly, Mac was expecting Bud and the kids he had intended to pick up from school on his way from Falls Church. Instead it was the eldest of the Roberts' offspring and Mac was on her feet.

"Oh, AJ!" she said, moving around the bed to greet her eldest godson. "We certainly weren't expecting you."

"I know," he said embracing Mac. "Mom and dad said everything would be alright and not to come but after speaking to dad yesterday I spoke to my CO and flew from Okinawa this morning. "How is she?"

"Doing well but I'm sure seeing you will make things a lot better too," Mac said wrapping her arm around the young man.

"And how's dad? He didn't sound the best," AJ said in a whisper looking between his sleeping mother and Mac. "I kinda thought things were worse for mom than they were saying."

"I think your dad's pretty distressed about the whole thing," Mac said honestly. "I don't think he's coping as well as your mom."

"Maacc," came a croak from the bed. "May I have some water, please?"

"Sure, Harriet," said Mac moving to her beside. "I have something else for you too," she added pointing towards their visitor and Harriet burst into tears.

"Oh, my…" she said, struggling to sit up.

"Hey, mom," AJ said stepping closer and embracing her carefully. "I love you so much."

"Oh, AJ, I love you too," she whispered tearfully. "How? Why are you here? You're supposed to be training in Okinawa."

"I know," he said, sitting on her bed facing her. "But my CO gave me a 36 hour pass to come see you for myself and here I am."

Mac stood and rubbed the back of the young marine in front of her. He may have been an adult, serving the country and looking so very dashing in his marine uniform but right now he was a son who loved his mom so much and was very worried about her.

"Oh, AJ," Harriet said again before crying some more.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Thanks to those who are still reviewing, there are so few of you left and with JAG off screens for more than a decade it's to be expected. I am currently writing chapter 9 and have realised I have a flaw in the story line that I need to correct. So, the next chapter probably won't be up until next week. Then, after this instalment is done, I think it might be time for me to call it a day.

First Kiss / Last Breath 6

Side-tracked by AJ's surprise visit, Mac hadn't given much further thought about the person in a room a few floors above, instead, she enjoyed hearing all about marine life through the fresh eyes of her godson. When Bud arrived with the other children, there were more surprised greetings and teary welcomes, hugs, kisses and chatter. Watching her friend, Mac smiled. A day post-surgery and with chemotherapy still ahead, Harriet still managed to look happier than she had in a long time.

Knowing it was because she finally had her husband and children around her, Mac decided to give them a little space.

"Not to interrupt your visit," she said, "But I might just go and …"

"See your old boyfriend?" Nikki asked.

"Nikki?!" Bud and Harriet said in unison.

"Sorry, Aunty Mac," Nikki apologised.

"I was going to say step out of the room and call Uncle Harm and the kids," she continued, looking pointedly at Nikki before scanning the room. "Catch up on the day's events before Harm tries to get them fed and to bed."

"Sorry," Nikki said once again.

"Of course," Harriet said, "Please give them all our love and thank him for letting me have you here."

"I will," Mac said as she headed towards the door.

Deciding to get some privacy and fresh air at the same time, Mac headed to the garden near the entry of the hospital. No matter how much time she spent in hospitals, the combination of all its elements always gave her a suffocating headache.

"Answer your phone….answer your phone..." she said to herself as she waited for Harm to answer his cell. "Come on … come on…"

"Hello, Mac," came the voice she was waiting for and it took her a moment to realise it wasn't coming from her phone.

"Harm!" she all but squealed jumping up and embracing him. "I wasn't expecting you." She hugged him tightly before pulling back. "Everything's alright, isn't it?" She scanned the area to see if there was an ill or injured child with him.

"Everything's fine and it's just me," he said, pulling her closer once more.

"Why did you come?" Mac asked, sitting alongside him. "Not that I'm not happy to see you…"

Harm filled Mac in as to his conversation with Bud and Mac filled Harm in on the unexpected visit from AJ, and how he was also concerned about his father. "So, Mats and Colin offered to have all the kids tonight," Harm continued. "Jessie and Lily have the sleepover tomorrow night, Aidan made arrangements to stay over at his friend Tim's and so, I can stay until Saturday, at the least. Longer if we think it would help here."

After further conversation about the Roberts' family, Mac turned the topic to the other big issue that had been playing on her mind. "Harm…" she began slowly and without eye contact and his anxiety level rose. "I saw Porter Webb again this morning and…" Out tumbled the details of that encounter, the subsequent conversation with Harriet, her thoughts and feelings on it all and the final summation that she had thought she should go and see him.

"7 East?" Harm checked and Mac nodded. "Let's go."

Holding his wife's hand tightly, Harm and Mac walked through the lobby to the elevator.

"We don't need to do this right now," Mac said quietly. "You can go see Harriet and AJ first if you want."

"What I want," he said slowly, in something akin to a growl. "Is for that bastard to be out of our lives once and for all. I know it might sound heartless given he is apparently on his death bed, but neither of us is convinced this is not just a ploy in some sick game of his and I have had enough. We see him. We leave. That's it. Okay?"

"Okay," Mac said quietly, surprised at the venom from her husband. However, she conceded to herself, she too wanted this over and to have Clayton Webb out of their lives once and for all.

Waiting at the Nurses' Station on 7 East, Mac and Harm scanned the boards, corridors, charts, anything and everything to see if they could identify any evidence Clayton Webb was up to his old tricks. Nothing stood out.

"Sir, ma'am?" said a young nurse. "How may I help you?"

"Harmon and Sarah MacKenzie – Rabb here to see Clayton Webb," Harm said coolly and the nurse studied the chart.

"Commander Harmon Rabb and Lt Colonel Sarah MacKenzie?" she asked looking at the pair.

"No, Mr and Mrs MacKenzie-Rabb," Mac corrected. "Mrs Webb said…"

"Let them in," Porter said, coming alongside them. "My son is desperate to see them."

"Good evening, Mrs Webb," Harm said turning to face the old lady.

"Nothing is good about this evening, Mr Rabb. Nothing at all," she said before turning her attention to the aide with her.

"Last room on the right," said the nurse and the pair walked along the corridor and stopped outside the said room.

"I love you," Mac said, tugging on her husband's arm. "Always and forever."

Stepping into the room, they were struck with just how dark it was and needed time to readjust. There were no machines around and the IV drip and oxygen tube were the obvious extent of medical intervention. There was a nurse near the bed blocking their view of the patient and the aide Mac had seen that morning sitting alongside the bed. The moment he realised who they were he was on his feet and dismissed the nurse.

"I will be outside should you or Mr Webb require anything," he said before exiting too.

Drawing a collective deep breath, Harm and Mac stepped towards the bed and took in the appearance of the occupant. Had they not known it was Webb they were seeing, they would have failed to recognise him. His face was gaunt and gray, the only light source in the room illuminating it. His closed eyes were sunken and he had cheeks to match. Having lost most of his hair and almost half of his bodyweight in this cancer battle, he was literally half the man he used to be and neither believed this was part of any deception. The man was genuinely dying, and by all appearances, dying very soon.

"Never thought … you'd come," Clayton rasped, his eyes still closed.

"What did you want?" Harm asked, squeezing Mac's hand. He didn't want to be callous, just wanted information.

"Straight to the point … as always," he replied, his eyes opening slowly. "Sarah … sight for sore eyes."

"Clayton," she said, fighting to keep the emotion from her voice.

"I am thankful … you… reconsidered," he said, trying to adjust himself in the bed but not having the strength to do so.

"What did you want to see us for, Webb?" Harm asked. "I wouldn't have thought there was much left to say."

"You know … I've had a sad and … sorry life," he said painfully slowly. "Nature of the job…invisibility…no ties…aside from mother … no one … nothing in my life … have no friends … no friends now," he corrected. "At one time … would have … considered us … friends … colleagues and, for a time … something more, right, Sarah?"

Harm tapped his foot with displeasure and irritation. While he felt genuine remorse Clayton Webb was on his deathbed, there were many occasions he would have happily put him there himself, he just didn't know how this encounter was going to pan out and what repercussions it would have for himself and Mac. Mac squeezed his hand, before wrapping it around her waist.

"I thought so at the time," she agreed. "But you proved me wrong, so very wrong," she said, holding Harm's arm around her tightly.

"I loved you, Sarah … believe it … or not," he said before coughing weakly. "My version … of love… thought it was enough … seeing you two …over the years … came nowhere close."

"No, it didn't," Mac said. "I guess we were two lost souls looking for answers."

"Glad you got your … answer," he whispered. "You too, Rabb," he managed. "Glad you got … each other."

Clayton's eyes closed once more and Harm and Mac looked at each other.

"Webb?" he called and received a groan in response. "Anything else you want to say?"

It took minutes for his eyes to open once more and for him to speak.

"Wanted … say…sorry," he ground out. "Not much …after everything … but … sorry."

This time when he closed his eyes, they knew nothing more would be said.

As Clayton's breathing rattled and became laboured, Harm left to summon assistance. Knowing the end was near, Mac took Clayton's hand in hers. Whatever had gone before, she felt no one should pass alone. It still haunted her that, despite everything, her mother passed without her.

The nurse entered, followed by Porter Webb and the aide as Harm held the door opened for them. As the nurse approached the bed, Mac went to step away.

"No, stay," Porter said, fighting every emotion coursing through her to present an unaffected air. She did dismiss the aide and had the nurse stand back. Taking his other hand, Porter mirrored Mac's stance and Harm stepped up to stand alongside his wife. "I always thought…" Porter said, pausing to control her voice. "That I would lose him on a mission, just like his father. Never thought I'd have to stand by helplessly and watch him draw his last breath."

"If you'd like to be alone…" Harm started but Porter shook her head.

"I will be," she said as a tear dripped down her cheek. "From today until I die…I will be."

An hour later, Mac and Harm walked down the corridor towards Harriet's room. Just outside the door, Harm took Mac in a warm, tight embrace. "Are you okay?" he whispered and Mac nodded into his shoulder. "Okay, then."

Opening the door, Harm was swamped in a sea of hugs and warm welcomes as Mac moved back to Harriet's side.

"Sorry, I was gone so long," she said, sitting alongside her once more.

"For a good cause, I see," Harriet replied, reaching out for Mac's hand. "I didn't know he was coming."

"Neither did I," Mac replied watching AJ greet Harm. "Surprises all around."

"Are you going to tell him about Mr Webb?" Harriet whispered and Mac shook her head.

"Um…that's where we just were," Mac whispered in return.

"How did it go?" she asked, glancing around to make sure no one was listening.

"He apologised for everything," Mac said, her eyes moving from Harm to Harriet.

"Well, that's good, isn't it?" she asked, studying her friend.

"Yeah, I guess so," she answered with a sigh. "And, ah, and then he died."

"What!?" Harriet gasped and she had the full attention of everybody. "Oops, sorry," she said squeezing Mac's hand.

"What is it, mom?" AJ asked moving back to his mom.

"Um, Aunty Mac just…well, she was just saying…" Harriet began but didn't know what she was supposed to say or not say in the circumstances.

"I was just telling your mom that Clayton Webb just passed away and that's where Harm and I were," Mac reported, looking at all the faces directed her way.

"Oh, I'm sorry for your loss," AJ said instinctively.

"Is that your old b… friend?" Nikki asked, correcting herself midsentence.

"Yes, it is," Mac confirmed.

"Sorry for your loss," she said quietly.

"Thanks," replied Mac.

Not all that long later, on Harriet's insistence, all her visitors departed for dinner at Romano's. Mac said she'd stay but Harriet wouldn't hear of it. It was already late and her friends and family needed to eat and sleep. Exhausted by the events of the afternoon Harriet just wanted some alone time and needed the others to leave to get it.

After consuming copious amounts of pasta, pizza, salads, desserts and drinks, the seven returned to the Roberts' residence where Mac set about making hot drinks while the teenagers prepared themselves for bed.

"Ah, Harm," said AJ quietly as his father left the kitchen to use the bathroom. "In the morning, when the kids are in school and dad goes to the hospital, could we have a word?"

"Sure, AJ," Harm said, patting his back. "Anything, in particular, you want to discuss?"

"Um…tomorrow, is that okay…just you and me…and Aunty Mac?" he replied, watching the doorway for any visitors.

"Sure," he said, taking the mug his wife handed him.

AJ left the kitchen to set up his bed for the night in the den, while Harm took the opportunity to put down the mug and embrace his wife. "One helluva day, isn't it?" he said, kissing her head.

"Oh yeah," Mac sighed leaning into Harm. "I'm exhausted."

"Oh, sorry to interrupt," said Jimmy and Mac turned in her husband's arms to face the teen.

"No problem, what's up?" asked Mac. "I know you guys have a lot going on but I really want to have a talk to you while you're down here. Do you think that's possible?"

"Definitely," said Harm. "I'm going to be here until Saturday … so we'll find some time."

"Great, that will be great," he said before smiling nervously.

"Everything alright, Jim?" Harm asked and Jimmy nodded.

"Ah, yeah, I think so…anyway, I'll say goodnight and um…we'll talk soon." Jimmy departed and Mac turned around to her husband once more.

"Looks like we're very popular in the conversational stakes," she observed.

"Sure does," he said, wondering what the conversations would uncover.

The older Roberts offspring weren't the only ones looking for a chat and when Bud came back into the room he had a bottle of Glenfiddich Whiskey in his hand.

"Any takers for a nightcap?" he asked heading to the cupboard for some glasses.

"I'm a no," said Mac, releasing her husband and picking up her mug. "I'll just stick with my hot chocolate and head up to bed."

"Oh, damn, Mac," Bud said shaking his head. "I honestly didn't think…I'm so sorry for my thoughtlessness."

"Don't worry about it, Bud," she said, rubbing his arm. "You have got a lot on your mind."

Leaving the pair in the kitchen, Mac headed to bed and was asleep before too long.

Meanwhile, Harm swapped his mug of coffee for a whiskey on the rocks and sat in the living room with Bud. The overhead light was off and the lamps were on, so there was a subdued ambiance.

"I need to apologise again for offering Mac a drink," Bud said, his eyes fixed on his glass. "There's no excuse."

"Mac understands, Bud," Harm replied. "You are quite preoccupied at the moment, and for good reason."

"It's still no excuse," he said shaking his head. "No excuse at all."

Harm didn't respond as he knew there was nothing to say that would convince Bud otherwise. He allowed the silence to wash over them once more.

"Did you ever think your life wasn't panning out the way it should be?" Bud asked quietly before taking a sip of his drink.

"Yep," Harm said with a nod. "On many occasions," he admitted.

"Have you got the life now you thought you were destined for?" he asked finally looking at this friend.

"I've got the life I want," Harm said. "Did I think I was destined for it? No. Hoped for it, yes, but honestly never thought I'd get."

"You guys are very happy after your retirement, aren't you?" he questioned. "No regrets?"

"No regrets in the least," Harm said quietly. "Best thing we did."

"What was the final straw?" Bud continued to probe. "You went from Falls Church to Bellevue within months. You hadn't mentioned any notion of those future plans up until your family trip to see Grams."

"Can't talk about plans you didn't have," he replied. "We were happy in DC, we had each other, had the kids but I guess during that trip it crystallised that our work wasn't always conducive to the family life we had both worked so hard to get and that, perhaps, we needed to re-evaluate our priorities."

"Was it a hard decision? To retire and move?" he asked, placing his glass on the side table.

"No," Harm said. "I always thought it would be but, in the end, it was like a dream come true."

Silence reigned once more.

"Bud," Harm started when Bud remained silent. "What's going on?"

"I've had a few thoughts in recent months that perhaps retirement was for me," he said picking up his glass once more. "Harriet hasn't been happy for a while. She's been a bit lost, a bit down since the kids have grown and are more independent. It was exacerbated when you and Mac moved and took your kids three hours away."

"Sorry," Harm said and Bud shrugged.

"Not your fault," he said. "You need to make your decisions based on your family, not mine. It's just I'm flat out at JAG these days and Harriet is left on her own. She misses me, she misses Mac, she misses AJ…"

"Mac mentioned that they had discussed Harriet working or volunteering, doing a course or a taking up a new hobby but Harriet wasn't that receptive," Harm reported, leaning forward and picking up the bottle before freshening both their drinks.

"She hasn't been receptive to much," Bud said sadly. "I haven't been much of a husband…"

"I don't think Harriet would agree," Harm interjected.

"She doesn't need to agree," he said sadly. "My wife isn't the woman she used to be and I have to take some responsibility for that."

"So, if you do retire," Harm said, pushing ahead. "Any thoughts on what you would be doing?"

"Nope," he said, "Coming home from the last investigation, I was going to sit Harriet down and have this conversation and then, wham! The cancer diagnosis."

"Would have knocked you for six," Harm said, feeling all kinds of sympathy for his friend.

"Yep," he concurred. "Wondered if this revelation about retiring had come too late… wondered if I was going to retire to spend more time with my wife or retire to be a widower."

"You really think Harriet won't beat this?" Harm said, his full attention on Bud.

"No," he replied before shaking his head. "I mean I think she'll beat it … I can't fathom what it would mean if she doesn't…I'm just not sure of anything anymore. I love her so much … she's been there for me … even at my worst," he added, tapping his prosthetic leg. "And when she needed me for something just as life altering, she couldn't even tell me. Harriet was always my anchor … right now, I just feel adrift."

Nothing was resolved through their late night conversation and Harm headed to bed more than concerned about their friends. Quietly, he entered AJ's room and stripped off, before sliding into the bed behind his wife. More than grateful for his wife's love, her health, their life together, he kissed her head then her shoulder.

"You okay?" she asked with a yawn turning to face him.

"Aha," he said closing his eyes.

"Bud okay?" she asked, caressing his face.

"Nope," he sighed. "Not by a long shot."

Mac tried to sit up, concerned about what had transpired but Harm kept her tight in his arms. "Wanna talk to me?"

"Nope," he repeated, "Just want to hold you and love you and sleep alongside you."


	7. Chapter 7

First Kiss / Last Breath 7

The following morning, as the teens prepared themselves for school, Mac joined them in the kitchen while Harm remained asleep. There was general chatter about what the school day would bring from the twins as they prepared toast and juice for themselves. Jimmy had almost finished breakfast and offered to make Mac coffee.

"I can get it," she said, waving for him to continue with his own breakfast.

"Dad and Uncle Harm were up late last night," he observed, as Mac sat down alongside him.

"They were, Jimmy," Mac agreed. "They were having a long chat."

"Dad's not doing too well with all of this, is he?" he asked and the twins fell silent.

"No," Mac said honestly, there was no point lying to this particular trio. "I think it's really shaken him up."

"Yeah, but…" Nikki began but stopped just as quickly.

"But what?" Mac prompted and Nikki looked to Michael.

"But it isn't just this cancer thing with mom," Michael said for her. "I mean we know it's been a shock to us all but things weren't great before that…right?"

Mac looked at the teens. "What was happening before that?"

"Well, you know," Jimmy said, but Mac really wasn't sure what they were alluding to and shook her head. "You don't?"

"Mom and dad…" Nikki said as if that was explanation enough.

"Mom and dad, what?" Mac prompted.

"Things just changed between them," she said. "Can't really explain it but even before this … things just didn't seem …."

"Right," Michael concluded for her. "They weren't fighting or anything, but… I can't even explain it but things just …"

"Mom hasn't been herself for a long while now," offered Jimmy. "It was really noticeable when you guys moved to the farm. She misses AJ like crazy and is worried for him all the time," he continued. "And then while she's been really supportive of me, she's worried about me…I can see it in her eyes."

"I guess this is the same conversation I was going to have with you and Harm, Aunty Mac," AJ said from the doorway. "Just wanted to know what was going on and if there's anything I'd be able to help with."

"Well, I'm at a bit of a loss," Mac said, sitting back in her chair. "I wasn't aware of anything being amiss. I know things were a little off when we were down last week but that's because your mom had just had her diagnosis."

"Are they in trouble?" AJ asked, sitting down at the table. "Their marriage?"

"I wouldn't have thought so," said Mac. "Look, there is a lot happening right now. I think the best thing we can do is be supportive and give them time and space to work through whatever the issues are together."

"Will it be enough?" Nikki asked, tearfully.

"I hope so," said Mac, squeezing her hand. "I really hope so."

While Bud and Harm remained asleep, the Roberts' teens headed to school while Mac and AJ headed to Bethesda. "I need to be at Dulles at 1400, Aunty Mac," he said as she drove towards the hospital. "Can you do your timing thing and make sure I leave in plenty of time?"

"My timing thing hasn't been very precise lately," she said, shaking her head.

"Really?" he asked, turning to face her. "I used to think it was a pretty amazing trick. What happened?"

"Not too sure," she said. "But after my mom died it just sort of disappeared."

"Do you miss it?" he asked, turning his attention back to the road.

"No, not really," she said. "Life on the farm is at a much easier pace and timekeeping isn't of the essence, unlike the Marines." She indicated to turn into the hospital car park and waited for the car in front. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, Aunty Mac," he replied quickly.

"How come you're calling Harm by his name and I'm still getting Aunty Mac?" she asked with a smile.

"Well, once I started my military training, Harm said I didn't need to use Aunt and Uncle," he said slowly and Mac nodded, she was aware of this. "But, I don't know, really. I find calling Harm Harm comes easier… I've tried to call you just Mac and I don't know if it's a marine thing or a mom thing… I just revert back to Aunty. Is that a problem?"

"No, not at all," she said patting his arm. "I think it's very cute."

AJ smirked. "Don't know about cute. My drill sergeant certainly didn't find it cute when I referred to you as Aunty Mac, rather than Colonel MacKenzie." Mac just laughed.

Harriet's room was empty when Mac and AJ arrived and so too was her bathroom. The nurse could provide no information and day room was empty.

"Where could she have gone?" AJ asked, scanning the corridor.

"Maybe she went to the cafeteria for her chai," Mac offered. "Although I didn't see her as we passed."

"Maybe," AJ replied, standing by the window.

Mac moved and opened the drawers on the side table and found Harriet's phone was still there, as was the money she had put in there the day before. "She could just be visiting another patient."

"That would be mom, wouldn't it?" AJ said with a laugh.

"No, I was in the chapel," Harriet said surprising them as she shuffled through the door. "Thought a change of scenery would do me good."

AJ strode across to embrace his mother before Mac did the same.

"You're looking better this morning, mom," he said as he escorted her to the armchair.

"I'm feeling okay today," she said. "The tubes and drips came out this morning, so I'm feeling freer and more like myself."

"Was the doctor in already?" Mac asked and Harriet nodded.

"He was and all is well," she reported. "Said I was on course to be discharged tomorrow."

"That's excellent news, mom," AJ said kissing her head.

"Shame you have to go back today," she said, holding onto his hand.

"I know, mom," AJ replied, kissing her hand. "But I'm glad I was able to come and see you, even if it was for a short time."

"Me too," she said, "Me too."

"And, I'll put in for more leave when I get back and, hopefully, be able to spend some time with you at home before long," he added perching on the arm of the chair.

"That would be good," she said, leaning into her eldest child.

It was an hour later that Bud arrived, and small talk continued. He explained that Harm would be along later as there was something he said he needed to do. While on the surface everything appeared normal, Mac couldn't help think of the conversation earlier that morning and she observed each interaction carefully. To her, nothing seemed amiss. Taking into consideration their location and the reasons they were there, Bud and Harriet just seemed like Bud and Harriet.

Volunteering to go to the cafeteria to pick up items they could share for lunch, Mac stood by the door.

"Actually, Mac," Harriet said, standing by the bed. "Why don't we all head down? I'd like to see something more than these four walls."

On the trip down, Mac texted Harm to find out where he was and what he was up to, finding it quite strange he was not spending time with them at the hospital.

When her cell buzzed in response as she entered the cafeteria, she smiled. 'Look behind you.'

There was her husband crossing the foyer towards her.

"Hello, gorgeous," he said kissing her head before greeting the Roberts Family.

"Where did you get to?" she asked as they followed Harriet to a nearby table.

"Ah, Porter Webb's aide called me this morning," he said quietly. "Asked if we would consider attending a short service for him this afternoon."

"That's very quick for a funeral," she said in hushed tones.

"Well, there's just his mother and us apparently," he replied. "He said it would be held at the crematorium and fairly short."

"That call couldn't have taken all that time," she said, sitting down beside him.

Harm looked from his wife to Bud and back. "Later," he whispered, nodding towards the man in question.

After a time spent in the cafeteria, Bud took Harriet back to her room as Mac and Harm departed to take AJ to the airport before going to Clayton Webb's service. Harriet had been surprisingly stoic as AJ had kissed her goodbye and Mac took this as a good sign. AJ wasn't as resilient, and it wasn't until they were headed to Dulles that Mac realised the sniffling they could hear was AJ trying his hardest not to cry.

"Oh, sweetheart, are you okay?" she asked turning as far in her seat as possible.

For a moment, Harm thought she was speaking to him but quickly realised their godson was her focus.

"Fine, thanks, Aunty Mac," he said, his voice strained.

"Your mom's going to be just fine, AJ," she reassured him. "She's already looking so much better."

"She is, isn't she?" he concurred, trying to wipe away a tear without it being obvious.

"I'm sure the next time you're home, this will be a distant memory," Harm said, glancing in the rear vision mirror.

"Just hard to leave them," AJ replied. "I don't know how you guys did it for so many years."

"Well, to be honest, son," Harm said, "For many of those years, neither Mac nor I had anyone to leave behind. It makes it easier."

"Guess it does," he said with a sigh. "But that's just sad within itself, isn't it? Sad if you have to leave people, sad if you have no one to leave behind."

Mac reached across and squeezed Harm's arm.

"Do you think mom and dad will be alright?" AJ continued. "I mean they seemed okay this morning but …"

"I think they'll be fine," Mac said, not that she was sure of anything at the moment but needing to reassure AJ as he departed.

"Not that I want you to go behind their backs or anything," AJ started, "But do you think, maybe, it would be alright if I was to check in with you two from time to time…mom and dad rarely say anything negative… I'd just be happier if I knew I was being told the truth."

"Sure," Harm said quickly. "Check in anytime you like."

AJ's car door had barely closed and he was still waving goodbye when Mac turned in her seat and looked at her husband.

"So, where were you this morning?" she asked, watching him intently.

"I stayed in bed when I heard Bud getting ready so I could borrow Harriet's car," he said slowly as he negotiated the traffic. "Then I phoned Mattie and she reported all was well, then I phoned Sturgis and he had some free time first up, so I went over to Falls Church and caught up with him."

"So, why didn't you just say that earlier?" Mac asked, stroking Harm's arm.

"Well, Bud was the focus of our conversation and Sturgis was saying that while there was nothing specific, that Bud hadn't been his usual self lately," Harm reported, glancing at his wife. "But that they had been extremely busy in the past couple of months and neither of them had spent much time at home recently."

"Do you think Harriet and Bud's marriage is in trouble?" Mac asked quietly.

"I think it's going through a rocky patch," Harm admitted. "They've probably grown apart a bit, given the kids are grown and they don't have much family or couple time these days."

"That's very sad," Mac said, turning back in her seat once more. "Of all the people I know, I never thought their marriage would be one that ran into trouble."

"Just goes to show that no one is immune," Harm said, taking the exit off the freeway. "Hopefully, Harriet's health scare will make them re-evaluate things and bring them closer together. We both know it's hard to build a life as a couple when you're effectively living separate lives."

"Yeah, that was our problem for a long time," Mac said, taking a deep breath. "But then we saw the light, got together and look at us now."

"That's right," Harm replied, taking her hand and kissing it. "Once I let you have your way with me there was no turning back." Mac laughed and Harm kissed her hand once more. "I love you, gorgeous."

Mac wasn't laughing as the turned into the Wilmington Crematorium and Chapel just before 1500. Instead, she looked down at the clothes she was wearing and realised the blue jeans and cream cashmere jumper may have been suitable for lounging around the hospital, but they really weren't funeral attire.

"Don't worry about what you're wearing," Harm said, glancing at her. "I think Porter Webb will just be happy you are here."

"I know," she said, smoothing down her jumper. "I feel bad for her, you know. Burying a child is just too painful a thought."

"I know," Harm said, before climbing out and moving around the car. Once Mac got out, he closed her door and wrapped his arms around her. "I'd rather be anywhere than here," he said, kissing her head. "Hate funerals of any type…even if it is Webb's."

"I know," Mac replied, pulling her husband closer and caressing his head. "But this is where the impact of Clayton Webb on our lives ends once and forever, okay?"

"Okay," he agreed. "Let's get this done then."


	8. Chapter 8

_AN 1: Some people didn't get the notification for Ch 6, therefore felt the story jump when they read Ch 7. It did jump and if the storyline didn't make sense, I suggest you have a quick look back and see if you read the mischievous ch 6._

 _AN 2: I had to do a rewrite of ch 9 as I had made a mistake with the story line and have stalled in Ch 10. Please be patient with me. I am furiously juggling a few big life things at the moment and am trying hard not to drop anything._

 _Thanks for the supportive comments in the last chapter. So many people don't log in this days, I can't reply to most personally, but I do appreciate your time and thoughts._

 **First Kiss/Last Breath 8**

For the duration of the funeral service for Clayton Webb, his mother stood alongside the coffin as it sat on the platform. Dressed completely in black, Porter Webb's hands remained clasped together and her posture rigid as the celebrant said a few words. There was nothing personal, nothing that reflected Clayton's life, nothing that indicated any sort of religious affiliation, just a script which he knew by heart and had probably used for countless services.

Harm and Mac stayed a few steps behind Porter, both with the same posture, both thinking of the CIA agent they knew and, once, held some affection for. How sad it was for his life to end like this; both being so young and having no one to mourn, aside from his mother. As the remote-controlled curtain drew around the coffin, Porter emitted a small gasp before her hand reached out to touch the coffin one last time. It was only when the curtain was fully drawn that Porter's tears ran silently down her face.

Steeling herself with a deep breath, she turned to face the couple.

"Thank you for granting Clayton's final wish and for being here today," Porter said, looking at the pair. "It would have meant the world to him."

Not really knowing what to say, Mac reached out a hand and patted Porter's arm. "Despite everything, we are so sorry for your loss," she said, and they were. No matter the animosity they felt towards Webb in later years, they were sorry for the woman in front of them. The woman who had lost her son. The woman who would now be alone in the world.

"Thank you, Sarah," she said, looking back to where the coffin had been. "I'm sorry too."

Usually, in these circumstances, mourners would offer help, compassion, words of support but Harm could not find anything appropriate to say. While he felt sympathy for Porter, he truly wanted this to be the very last encounter with a Webb of any nature. "We should get going," he said to Mac wrapping his arm around her. "We are heading back to the hospital," he said, looking at Porter. "If there's nothing you need us for."

Porter looked Harm over and sighed. "No, Harmon, there is nothing I need. However, Clayton left this for you both." She pulled out a yellow business envelope from her purse and handed it to him. "He said to send it to you. I don't believe he actually thought you'd visit him."

"What is it?" asked Mac, studying the envelope which had been formally addressed to their residence.

"The regrets of a dying man, I believe," Porter replied before walking by them to face the world alone.

"What do you think?" Mac asked turning to face her husband as he turned the envelope over in his hands.

"Probably doesn't say anything that he didn't say to us yesterday," Harm said, before handing it to her.

"Want me to open it?" Mac said and Harm shrugged.

"I guess," he replied. "Get it over and done with."

Moving towards a row of black chairs, Mac took a seat and Harm sat next to her as Mac went to open the envelope Harm stilled her hands with one of his.

"Whatever it says, this is still where Webb's impact on our lives ends, right?" he checked, not putting it past the deceased agent to try one last scheme.

"Oh, definitely," Mac replied, "We will walk out of here and have no need to discuss him again."

The letter enclosed had been dictated by Clayton and scribed by an aide. In essence, it said little more than the bedside conversation the day before. Clayton had thanked them for the positives which joined their lives, apologised for the negatives, wished them well for the future.

"All a bit anti-climactic," Mac said after she'd finished reading it aloud.

"He always was a man of few words," Harm replied, "Despite everything, I'm glad, well, maybe glad is the wrong word, but I think we did the right thing seeing him at the end."

"Yeah, me too," she replied as she folded the letter and tried to reinsert it into the envelope. Realising there was something else in the envelope she reached in and pulled out the unmistaken form of a folded cheque with a small note attached.

Drawing a deep breath, Mac unfolded the paper and scanned the note.

'Can't take it with me. No one to leave it to. Find a good cause. Trust you.' CW'

Mac looked up at Harm before unfolding the cheque. "Oh my goodness," she whispered reading the amount.

"What the hell…" Harm said almost simultaneously before taking the cheque from her and making sure he had read it correctly.

They looked at each other, then the cheque, then each other once more.

"He couldn't just let us walk away," said Harm, shaking his head. "Still needed to hook us in one more time."

"It's not much of a hook," Mac said, folding the cheque once more.

"Not much of a hook?" Harm asked incredulously. "It's a cheque for $1.5 million dollars!"

"Yes, but it's not for us," she said. "We find a charity or a few charities, hand it over and be done with it."

"Any specific ones in mind?" he asked, standing up once more.

"Nope," Mac said standing next to him. "I'll think about it later. Right now, I want to get back to the hospital and see Harriet. I might sit with her for a few hours and you and Bud can take the kids to that action movie they were talking about."

"Seems like forever since you and I went to a movie," Harm said, taking her hand as they walked from the chapel.

"It is," she replied. "I think the last one was your surprise for me during your 50th birthday celebrations."

"Oh, it was too," he said, kissing her head. "And what a birthday celebration it was."

As hard as it was to not think about the cheque in her purse, Mac sat alongside Harriet as the rest left for dinner and the movie.

"Would you like me to get you something else for dinner?" Mac asked as she raised the cloche on the plate to reveal a chicken-something, with possibly assorted vegetables.

"Err," Harriet said, looking at the offering. "Yeah, I couldn't even begin to imagine what that sauce is."

"I can head down to the cafeteria and see what's there," Mac said, getting to her feet.

"It probably won't be much better," Harriet said, swinging her legs from the bed. "But worth a try."

"Would you like to come with me?" Mac asked. "We could eat down there. A change of scenery might make it taste a bit better."

The ladies slowly made their way down the corridor, into the elevator, and to the cafeteria. The usual five-minute trip taking almost 15 due to Harriet's discomfit and fatigue. "I'm not going to be running any marathons soon," she said, leaning on Mac for support.

"No," Mac said, "But if you want to start training up, I'm planning on doing a run with Jess in late spring."

"Really?" Harriet asked surprised.

"Well, Jessie had wanted to run one with Ronnie and then asked if I'd do it with her. She's far better on her feet now and thought this would give her something to aim for," Mac explained. "It's a fun run to raise money for a kid's hospital and you can do 5km, 10km or the full 42km. We are aiming for the 5km and taking her wheelchair too."

"Is it going to be a family event?" Harriet asked as Mac pulled out a chair for her.

"Most likely," Mac said. "It's hard to do anything alone in our house these days," she added with a laugh.

Dinner for the ladies consisted of lasagne, chips, and salad as both agreed it was the best-looking thing on offer.

"A bottle of red wine would be better," Harriet said as Mac handed her a bottle of water.

"Maybe on the weekend when you're home," Mac replied, placing her meal in front of her.

"Ooh, home," Harriet said with a grin. "That doctor better not change her mind tomorrow and keep me another day."

"No reason why she should, is there?" Mac asked, picking up her cutlery.

"No, I don't think so," she replied. "Just ready to be out of here."

"Yep, know that feeling," Mac agreed.

Come Sunday, Harriet was happily settled at home, Harm had headed back to the farm the evening before and Mac was leaving later that day. Mac had stripped AJ's bed and was doing laundry as Harriet made her way down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"Hey," Mac said, coming behind her. "Can I get you some breakfast? Coffee?"

"I'll start with coffee, thanks," she said, leaning on the kitchen counter.

"Did you sleep well?" Mac asked, grabbing a mug from the cupboard.

"Yes, thanks," she replied. "Nothing beats your own bed."

"I know," she smiled in response. "Did I hear you up in the night?"

"Yeah," she said. "Sorry, I disturbed you."

"I was already awake," she said, placing the mug onto the table.

"Not sleeping well?" Harriet asked as Mac placed her own mug onto the table.

"I was sleeping beautifully," she said, "but I must have been dreaming because I thought Frankie was calling me and I woke up to see to him."

"I'm sure you're missing him dreadfully," she replied. "And I'm sure they're all missing you too."

"Yes, they are," she said with a wistful smile. "Can't wait to see them."

"Thank you again for everything," Harriet said, sipping her coffee. "I am very grateful."

"I know, you've told me every day," Mac said, patting her hand. "And I know Bud will be here for the next few weeks but you just call if you need anything or need me to come back for a couple of days."

"I will," she said quietly, as Bud appeared in the doorway.

"Good morning, ladies," he said, before kissing his wife's head. "Lovely day, isn't it?"

Mac smiled knowing it had little to do with the weather and much more to do with his wife being back home where she belonged.

Given Harriet would have three weeks of recovery time before her chemotherapy started, Mac and Harm had invited them to come up to the farm for a few days before the grueling regime started. Initially, the response had been no, but with it coinciding with Easter and the children being off school for a mid-term break, they reconsidered and felt it would be a great family trip before the effect of chemo took hold on all aspects of all their lives.

"You'll let us know what to bring up to the farm with us, won't you?" Harriet asked as she accepted the toast Bud offered her.

"I have told you both," Mac said sternly, "That you are to bring yourselves, the kids, and some clothes. That. Is. All. Understood?"

"Yes, ma'am," they said in unison with a laugh.

Still, all three knew there would boxes of treats and presents for children and adults alike and they would all be accepted willingly and graciously.

After assisting Harriet with her shower and dressing routine, Mac stood behind her brushing her hair.

"I'm going to lose it, you know?" Harriet remarked as Mac ran the brush through the blonde locks. "My hair," she clarified when Mac looked at her in the mirror.

"Just think you'll be able to try out a range of new styles with wigs and hats," she said, trying to find the positives.

"Maybe I'll get an auburn bob wig," Harriet suggested. "I always wanted to dye it auburn and cut it short but was worried it wouldn't suit me … this way, I get to find out."

"I'd thought about auburn for me over the years too," Mac said with a smile. "Never had the courage to do it. Don't think it would work with my skin colour."

"Well, when I go looking for wigs you're welcome to come too," Harriet said, knowing she'd prefer Mac to Bud. "You can take them for a trial run too."

By the time Mac was driving up her driveway, her smile was wide and she couldn't wait to hug and kiss her kids…all of them. She had missed each and every one of her babies and knew there would be little she would do for the next few days without a child attached to her. These days, more than ever before, she was truly grateful for her family and the simple things in life.

The time between Harriet's surgery and the Roberts' visit to the farm was a blur of the ordinary, everyday chaos of life with a large family, school commitments, work commitments and endless piles of laundry and dishes. Harriet had been recovering well from the surgery and she and Mac chatted daily. Bud seemed to be doing better with this curve ball they'd been thrown but Harm still made sure to speak with him every few days and just check in. Harm and Mac had responded to AJ's regular emails and honestly reported that they thought all was positive. The chat with Jimmy had never eventuated when they were at the Roberts' house as he had changed his mind and said he'd wait until they visited at Easter.

Jessie was booked in for a full review by her physiotherapist, Donna, to see her current abilities and what work could be done to get her more mobile, especially getting in and out of bed at night for the bathroom. Mac also wanted Donna to oversee a training schedule for the fun run that Jessie was so desperate to do. More than willing to push the child in a wheelchair the whole way, Jessie was adamant that she was going to run/walk it and Mac wanted to get professional advice on what the child could and should do and the training and precautions necessary to make this dream of hers come true.

Mattie was more content in herself after her adoption and while still longing to give Kenz a sibling, the desperation and obsession about it seemed to have abated much to both hers and Colin's relief. For now, she was happily throwing herself into the multiple roles she already had and promised herself to just go with the flow for another 12 months and, if there was still no baby, to investigate their options.

Despite a whole long list of domestic responsibilities, Mac took Harriet's health scare as a reminder that life is unpredictable and she shouldn't take things for granted. She found herself thinking about something for herself. With all but Frankie in school, she felt she could easily find something to do for a few hours, even a couple of times a week, away from the farm whilst Harm, Mattie or Colin cared for Frankie and his partner in crime, Kenz. While no opportunities or ideas jumped out at her immediately, she was just happy with the fact she could even contemplate it.

Memories of Mom seemed to running well. The demand went in ebbs and flows and the donations came in the same way. While Frank and Trish were on the farm, Frank took care of almost every element of it, allowing the older children to help where appropriate. In his absence, Aidan had taken over the role without being asked and hadn't missed a beat. Only leaving someone, usually Harm or Mattie, to see to someone who popped in during school hours. Harm had wanted to pay Aidan for his work, just as any other employer would have with a part-time teen worker, but Aidan refused. M.O.M was a charity and inspired by his mother and the generosity of others when he was first coming to stay with his mom and sister and then the amazing outpouring from the community when the tragedy struck. He was just trying to pay it forward and felt taking a wage for that would be plain wrong.

When Trish called one night, excitement grew. Rather than coming back to the farm in late April, after fulfilling all their obligations on the west coast, they had decided to come back in time for the triple birthday celebrations the following week. They could scarcely believe the baby who was never meant to be would be turning three and the twins would be six. The call left Mac shaking her head. Two years ago there had been a lot of angst surrounding the birthdays as Harm struggled with celebrating Frankie's first birthday, which was also the first anniversary of the day his wife almost died. The year previous celebrations were tempered with the passing of Ronnie and Aidan and Jessie settling into the family on a permanent basis. This year, with Harriet's recent surgery, thoughts of birthday parties had been put on the backburner.

Standing on the bottom step, watching his wife sitting at the kitchen table with a range of magazines and a notepad and pen, Harm scratched his chest. "What are you up to?" he asked. "It 0325."

"Oh, hi there," she said, looking up at him. "I didn't wake you, did I?"

"Not really," he said yawning as he walked over to her. "I think it woke me when I realised you weren't in bed."

"I woke up thinking of the kids' birthdays and couldn't get back to sleep," she said yawning herself. "Figured getting something down on paper would allow me to go back to sleep."

"So, what are you thinking?" he said, scanning the notepad in front of his wife.

"Well, the birthdays are on Monday and Tuesday this year," she said, wrapping an arm around his waist. "So, I'm thinking we just do cakes with dinner on both nights, with whatever meal the kids choose."

"Wasn't Harry talking about a party and inviting his and Rose's school friends?" he asked and Mac nodded.

"Yeah, apparently he wants to invite the whole class but that's not happening, they'll destroy the place," Mac said before yawning again. "I figured that maybe we can have a little party at home on Easter Saturday with the Roberts' as well, the twins can invite two or three friends each and …"

"Little?" Harm echoed. "In the kid department, we have 6 of our own, one grandson, the three Roberts' kids, plus us, Mattie and Colin, mom and dad, Bud and Harriet, that's 18 already plus what…another six kids?"

"So that's a no?" Mac asked, standing up from the table and stretching.

"No, I'm not saying no," he said. "Just clarifying your definition of little." He kissed her head. "They can invite the whole class and we can have a pizza party in a hangar, for all I care…" he said with a laugh and Mac's eyes lit up.

"That is perfect! You're a genius!" she said excitedly as she kissed his cheek. "We can play some games, they can run around and we get to keep the house clean … just perfect!"

Harm just nodded. He had actually been joking and didn't really fancy 25+ kids invading his hangar but looking at his wife's face he knew he couldn't backtrack.

"Well, we'll speak to the kids in the morning, get the invitations out ASAP," she said, taking Harm's hand and heading upstairs.

"Yeah, being Easter, there may be a few with other commitments," he remarked, with his fingers crossed.

Locking the bedroom door behind them, Mac glanced at the clock and then her husband as he climbed into bed.

"I know there are just over two hours until the alarm but you wanna waste about twenty minutes with me?" Mac asked as she climbed into bed.

"Nope," Harm replied turning to face her and Mac froze in her movement and stared at him. Grinning, Harm reached out and pulled her towards him. "Being with you is never a waste of time," he said, wrapping her in his arms before kissing her deeply and putting the next half an hour to very good use.

The morning alarm was an unwelcomed intrusion into their slumber but Mac and Harm were more than happy to have spent some of their sleep time on other recreational pursuits and in showed in their smiles and more obvious tactile display during breakfast.

"Why are you both so happy?" asked Jessie looking up from her rice bubbles.

Harm and Mac looked at each other, both waiting for the other to answer.

"It's probably all that lovey dovey sexy stuff they've told us about," said Lily, sitting beside her sister. Harm flushed red and grabbed his cell, muttering something about a call he needed to make and Mac disappeared deep into the kitchen. "Told you," Lily added.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Sorry for the delay, folks. Having a lot of trouble with chapter 10 and wanted to make sure I didn't need to change anything here.

First Kiss / Last Breath 9

Lily wasn't the only one talking about lovey dovey sexy stuff and, once again, Harm was the conversation partner. This time it was Aidan. On Tuesday, when Harm needed to go back to the Rabb Runways office after the younger children were in bed to complete some paperwork, Aidan decided to take a deep breath and tag along with him.

"Um, dad," he said slowly as they walked to the work vehicle they had for running about the property.

"Yes," he replied, just as slowly.

"Um, can we, um … can we sort of have a talk," he said, climbing in and looking at everything but his father.

"Sure," Harm replied, opening his own door. "What about?" he added when he was sitting in the driver's seat.

"Ah, well, you know, a father-son talk," he mumbled.

As a child and young teen, Aidan had grown up in a household which strongly believed he should be seen and not heard. Nothing personal was ever discussed, no information was ever given, and no opinion was ever asked for. What Aidan knew about the human body, puberty and relationships was whatever was covered by teachers of varying abilities over the years, his peers and television. In his time on the farm, he had found one of the most challenging aspects of life was having to answer questions about himself.

How did he know what he wanted, what he liked, what his wishes and desires were when it had never mattered. He now had fantastic role models on how to treat a partner and what being in love should look like at varying stages of life. He had also had a crash course on learning that he, himself, was loveable, loved and capable of loving others. What he needed from his dad was to help him understand how he was supposed to navigate the pressures of teen relationships and Amelia.

Rather than head to the office, Harm decided to take his boy to a local café and have this conversation over drinks and food, thinking the added distraction may make it all a bit easier. Before he departed, he sent a quick message to Mac's cell which said 'Change of plans. Gone to Burtons. Explain later'.

After their order was taken, Harm figured he'd take the lead and try and be the father he wished he'd had when he was a teen. While Frank would have been prepared to do it for him, their relationship had been extremely tense at the time and so it wasn't a possibility. Harm wasn't going to dwell on the what- ifs and forged ahead.

"So," he said, leaning back in the booth. "Anything specific you want to know or is this just a chat?"

"More a chat, I guess," said Aidan, looking at his dad. "It's not about sex or that…" he added quickly.

"Okay," Harm replied. "But is it about you and Amelia?"

"Yeah, kinda…" he replied, playing with a fork.

"Are you something more than friends?" he asked, deciding to get to the point.

"I guess so," he said. "She told her friends I was her boyfriend yesterday, so I figure that's what I am."

"Do you want to be her boyfriend?" he asked, watching his son's every move.

"Yeah," he replied as a smile spread across his face. Harm smiled in response. "She's … well, she's pretty … nice."

"Nice?" Harm challenged, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, she's pretty," he confirmed, "And she's nice. I mean she's so smart and even though she is shy at first she's friendly and kind and helped me lots settling into school," he added in a rush.

"Aha," Harm said, nodding. "And I'm sure she likes you too."

"Ah, yeah, I guess, she kissed me after the dance," he said and Harm nodded again.

"Only after the dance?" he questioned and Aidan looked between his fork and father.

"Um, no…we've kissed a few more times since," he said, redness crawling up his neck into his cheeks.

"And has it been Amelia initiating it all?" Harm asked, wondering if his son was feeling out of his depth.

"Yeah, the first few times," he admitted. "But I …um… I kissed her first yesterday morning before school," he explained.

"Maybe that's what inspired her to tell her friends you were her boyfriend," he said, moving his hands so the waitress could put down his plate of cheesecake with berries.

"Yeah, I thought that too," Aidan said, looking at the apple pie and cream in front of him.

Over the course of their supper, Harm decided to focus the conversation on the aspect of healthy relationships, after all a healthy relationship should underpin all other actions. He, himself, had experienced too many unhealthy relationships and he knew the cumulative effect could impact on your ability to judge what was and wasn't working in relationships. Harm also knew that Aidan's key relationships prior to the farm had also been unhealthy and therefore this was where he wanted to start.

Harm went on to explain that only through understanding, trust, honesty, communication and respect would a relationship be healthy. And, to maintain it, there should be healthy boundaries which both partners had developed and respected.

"Has your relationship with mom always been a healthy one?" Aidan asked and watched as his father shook his head.

"To my deep regret and shame, I have to be honest and say no," Harm said, putting down his fork. "I love Mac so very much and I would definitely say we have a very healthy relationship now but it wasn't always the case, especially in the early days."

"Why was that?" Aidan asked as he finished his pie.

"There were a lot of reasons," he replied, wanting to be honest with his son. "Mac and I were both very different people when we met 20 odd years ago. We both were driven by our careers and the impact difficulties in our own childhoods and adolescence had on us as adults."

"Were you friends before she became your girlfriend?" he asked, slowly. "Good friends?"

"Sometimes," he answered truthfully. "I think it is fair to say that sometimes we were the best of friends and worst of enemies and other times we were the worst of friends and the best of enemies."

"Enemies? Really? But you guys really love each other," he said surprised.

"Now we do," he said, "But back then we both wanted something more but couldn't get over the past and kept going into self-preservation mode."

"What changed?" Aidan asked.

"Mattie was a strong influence," Harm said with a smile. "She made me realise that I was capable of loving and being loved."

Aidan gave half a chuckle. "That's what you guys have done for me. Didn't think it I was worthy of any of it."

"But you are," Harm said firmly, resting his hand on Aidan's arm. "You know that now, don't you?"

"Yes," he said with a nod. "I don't always remember … sometimes I get caught up in the past. Sometimes I have to remember this is my new life … but then sometimes it feels like I've only ever been with you and all that time with my grandparents wasn't even my life."

"Yep," Harm said nodding. "I can totally relate to that."

"Do you wish you could have your time over again and not have so many problems with mom?" he asked, picking up his drink.

"Yes and no," Harm said with a shrug. "There are certainly a few moments I would like to do over, some words I'd like to retract, some hurt I'd like to soothe but Mac and I have spoken a lot about it over the years and, in the end, it's what has made us who we are. It's what's given us all we have. It's given us this life that we love. Had anything been different early on, who's to say we would be right here, right now."

"Never thought of it that way," Aidan said.

While the conversation could have gone on for hours, Harm was aware of the time and that it was a school night.

"Now, I don't really want to cut this short," he said to Aidan as the waitress dropped the check on their table. "But you should have been in bed an hour ago."

"Yeah, I know," he said, "But it's been good."

"I think this is something we should do on a more regular basis," Harm said, standing and pulling on his jacket. "What do you think?"

"I'd like that, dad," he replied smiling. "I've never really had anyone to talk to and I just want to make sure that, after everything, I get the life that my first mom wanted for me. I just really want to make her proud."

"I think Ronnie would be exceptionally proud of you," Harm said, wrapping his arm around his eldest son as they walked out.

Mac spent the next few days cleaning the farmhouse, Trish and Frank's house and the mobile home, knowing her in-laws would be back on Sunday, ready for the birthdays and the Roberts were aiming to be there the following Thursday. She also knew she had days of baking planned for Saturday and Sunday and would freeze what she could for the following weekend's guests, party and Easter celebrations. Lily had put together a list of things to bake, most of which Grams had baked for them. It warmed her heart that Grams was still loved and remembered and a part of family celebrations.

With the house sparkling and organised by Friday night, and the kitchen plan prepared for the weekend, Mac fell into bed exhausted.

"So, what do you think?" Harm repeated, pulling his jumper over his head, only to discover it had taken less than a minute for his wife to be asleep. He had to smile; he knew before they got together Mac suffered greatly with insomnia which eased after their marriage and was a rare guest these days. It made him feel good that she found security and comfort in the home and life they had worked so hard to build together. Now, however, he'd have to wait until morning to find out her opinion on whether they should renovate and modernise the kitchen to cater for their large brood.

Having just drifted off to sleep, Harm was surprised by a hand patting his leg and opened his eyes.

"Mom?" he said sitting up. "We weren't expecting you until tomorrow afternoon."

"Well, I may have been a tad bit excited about coming back," she said as he climbed from the bed and embraced her. "And got an earlier flight."

"You're looking well," he said, ushering from the room to leave his wife sleeping. "Time on the west coast must have agreed with you."

"It was certainly warmer," she said, walking down the stairs. "And it was great to catch up with everyone."

"Do you miss not being there all the time now?" he asked as he went to the kitchen.

"Sometimes," she replied honestly. "The weather, the quiet, the ocean are all so beautiful."

"Do you ever think …" he started but didn't quite know how to finish the question.

"I do miss being there," she reiterated. "But when I am there, I miss being here far more." Harm grinned. That was the right response to his unasked question. "If only Bellevue and La Jolla could be a little closer…"

As Harm made coffee and prepared supper, Frank entered and hugged his son.

"Luggage is in, heating is on," he said referring to their own house. "All ready for a good night's sleep."

Frank also loved his time on the farm and his time in La Jolla, it was just the distance between them and the toll the long flights took on his ageing body. "What's been happening here?" he asked, stealing a cookie from Mac's hidden jar.

Over a late night supper, cuppa and chat, the trio caught up before heading off to bed by midnight. Mac had slept soundly through the night, so it was to her great delight to wake to the smell of breakfast cooking and fresh coffee brewing. It then caused concern when she realised her husband was still sleeping alongside her. Thinking it might be Lily and Jessie, she hurried downstairs to investigate and grinned when she saw her mother-in-law.

"Oh, mom, good morning," she said, hugging the older woman before kissing her cheek. "It's so good to have you back. When did you get in?"

"Last night," she said, still holding onto Mac. "I just couldn't wait to see all my grandbabies."

"And they will be excited to see you too," she said as she heard footfalls on the stairs.

Soon the twins and Frankie appeared all very excited to see Grandma once more and it wasn't long before Lily and Jessie came from their room to join the hustle and bustle at the breakfast table. Over all the family breakfast favourites, the kids chatted away, all trying to tell Trish their news at once and then they tried to repeat it all when Frank came in.

Harm was the only absentee from the table and while Mac thought it was odd he would sleep in, she let him be. She knew he'd had a few late nights recently and, even when in bed, had often been unsettled in his sleep.

When Colin spied the hire car he realised his grandparents-in-law had arrived and soon four more added to the clamour around the kitchen and all the while Harm slept.

It was almost an hour later that Mac made it upstairs to check on her husband, opening the door slowly, she stepped inside before closing it just as silently. Padding around to his side of the bed, Mac perched herself on the bed and used the back of her hand to check Harm's temperature.

"Not sick," he mumbled rolling back towards her and smiling sleepily.

"You sure?" she asked, caressing his face.

"I'm sure, gorgeous," he said reaching out for her. "A little sleep in is not a cause for concern."

"No, it's not," she agreed. "It's just that it's almost nine, there have been 12 people downstairs making a lot of noise for the last couple of hours and you have slept right through it. You're usually up at the first sound."

"I did wake up an hour or so ago," he said, pulling her down to lie beside him. "Heard it all. Thought I should make an appearance but started thinking about things and must have drifted off again."

"What were you thinking?" Mac asked, resting her palm on his cheek.

"That life is good," he said with a grin. "And that I am so very thankful for everyone and everything in this old house."

"Yeah, me too," Mac concurred before kissing him gently.

"I also got to thinking of some other things," he continued and Mac nodded, she knew there was something else going on.

"And what was that?" she prompted when he failed to go on.

"I think I've worked out what to do with Webb's money," he said. "Of course, if you have other ideas…"

Over the next few minutes, Harm explained his thinking. There were many wonderful people and organisations working tirelessly to support those who are serving, have served, died in service or the families left behind. Rather than spread the money too thin, he thought about what they had and picked organisations which focused on family, home, and support. He reasoned that $1,000,000 could be distributed between Wounded Warriors Family Support, Homes for Our Troops, Fisher House Foundation and Navy-Marine Corps Relief Society. Harm went on to explain that as it was Webb's legacy, the remaining $500,000 should be left to the CIA Officers Memorial Foundation.

"This is what's been keeping you up at night, isn't it?" she said gently and Harm nodded.

"I just wanted to be done with it," he said. "As tempting as it is to tear up the cheque and have nothing to do with it, it will do far more good in the coffers of those organisations. Something good coming from … well, from Webb."

"Well, I totally agree with you," Mac said, kissing him once more. "After Easter, when we have a few moments to ourselves, we'll take the cheque to the bank and make the necessary arrangements."

Upon returning to the kitchen, Mac found, much to her delight, that Trish had decided to replace her in the kitchen to do the baking with the girls. While she didn't mind baking, she would much rather eat Trish's creations than her own.

As the youngest three had headed next door, as per their previous plans, and Frank and Aidan had gone down to the hangar to work on some things for M.O.M., Mac realised she had the unprecedented opportunity of time to herself, something which rarely happened, and never on weekends and, rather than forego it, she was going to make the most of it.

"What are you smiling at?" Harm asked as he watched Mac dress after her shower.

"I have nothing to do," she said with a grin.

"Nothing?" he echoed and Mac nodded. "So, what are you going to do?"

"Nothing," she repeated grinning broadly.

"How do you do nothing in this place with all our kids?" he asked, watching her intently.

"Well, I am going to do something," she said as she ran a brush through her hair. "Just going to grab a few hours for me." Looking at the somewhat confused and concerned look on her husband's face, Mac continued. "I'm going to head into the library in Charlesville, spend some time reading, some time looking at the various courses and programs they have on offer and maybe see if there's something I can do for a few hours a week."

"Sounds like a good plan," Harm replied, kissing her head. He had been encouraging Mac for a while to look for something outside the house to do and was glad that she was finally going to look into it. Harm had no doubt his wife loved their life on the farm as much as he did, but he had Rabb Runways, aspects of the farm he still looked after and restoration of the aircraft Mac had given him a few years before which gave balance to the household duties and raising so many little ones. Mac had no such balance. And, after spending time with the Roberts' he wanted to make sure Mac was happy with life both in and out of the home.

"I thought so," she said with a smile. "But if you can get away in a few hours… maybe we could have a quiet little lunch for two at The Brandon."

"Oh, I can get definitely away," he said smiling in return.

Driving down the main street of Charlesville, Harm saw Mac's car already parked outside The Brandon and pulled his car into the bay alongside it. Climbing out, he scanned the street and spied her looking in the window a few shops past the hotel they would be dining at.

"What's got you so engrossed?" he asked, wrapping an arm around her and looking at the realtor's display window.

"Just looking at what's on the market," she replied, her arm surrounding him.

"Thinking of buying a hideout somewhere?" he joked, following her gaze back to the window.

"Yeah, sort of," she said, and Harm's smile faded quickly. "No, no, not like that," she said quickly when she noted the change in his demeanour.

"Then what," he said, dropping his arm and turning to face her.

"Look," Mac said, waving the couple of flyers she already had. "Let's go chat over lunch." She took two steps and realised Harm hadn't moved. "I promise you, it's all good."

While they waited for their order to arrive, Mac explained her earlier thoughts.

"Now," she said, taking her husband's hands across the table. "This is just a few thoughts, nothing concrete, nothing …"

"Just talk, gorgeous," he said, squeezing her hands.

"At the library, there's a huge display of all community events, educational courses, arts courses, IT programs, activities, local businesses, you know, all that sort of thing." Harm nodded. "And it got me thinking that there is a big community out here to be a part of."

"You want to move from Bellevue?" he asked, very concerned.

"No, not at all!" she said emphatically. "Just there's more happening community wise and it got me thinking that it's the type of place that Harriet would thrive in."

Harm nodded. "She would be in her element," he concurred. "But Charlesville is a long way from Maryland."

"Well, if Bud retired, they could move here," she said enthusiastically.

"And what would Bud do?" Harm asked, "I don't see him as community-minded as Harriet."

"The medical clinic around the corner is now on the market since they relocated to the bigger premises last month," Mac explained, placing one of the real estate flyers on the table. "Perfect for a legal practice. The pace might be a bit slower out here but the lifestyle's better."

"Roberts and Associates," Harm said with a smile. "Our young Lieutenant has come a long way."

"Yes, he has," Mac said with a nod. "But, um, I was kind of thinking Roberts, MacKenzie-Rabb and Associates," she added and then held her breath.

"Roberts, MacKenzie-Rabb and Associates," he echoed, not sure of his thoughts.

"I know this hasn't been thought through," Mac added quickly. "And I have no idea if it is viable or whether Bud and Harriet would even be interested… I wouldn't want to work full-time either, just small cases or maybe just with kids, you know, custody, adoptions, just …"

"I think it all sounds good," Harm said, squeezing her hands. "And if the Roberts' aren't interested in moving here, then we'll just find another way to do it."

Further conversation was curtailed by the arrival of their sumptuous meals; baked salmon for Harm and fillet mignon for Mac. "Just think," she commented after her last delectable morsel had been consumed. "I could eat here every time I worked."

"In that case, your salary would have to be directly paid into The Brandon," Harm said with a laugh.


	10. Chapter 10

**First Kiss / Last Breath 10**

The birthday week was a whirl of celebrations and people and the birthday trio were in their element. On Monday, there had been cake and family presents for the twins, on Tuesday it had been Frankie's turn. Wednesday had been a cake free day but Thursday had heralded the arrival of the Roberts' family and there had been presents and sweet treats galore! Now, on Saturday morning, the level of excitement on the farm was nearing fever pitch as the start time for the birthday party drew near.

Despite being asked, reminded and nagged to take it easy, Harriet was in the kitchen with Trish and the girls putting the final touches on a range of party foods. Harm's initial suggestion of a pizza party had been discounted when they realised they couldn't keep the volume required hot enough during its transit from the nearest pizza shop opened early enough on a Saturday. Instead, they went with a spring barbeque which Bud, Jimmy and Aidan were getting organised just outside the party hangar.

Harm, Mac, Colin and the Roberts' twins were putting the decorations up while Mattie and Frank had the youngest four corralled in the Rabb Runways office. All were under threat of not attending the party if they misbehaved, so, needless to say, things were very quiet.

"Dad?" Aidan called coming through the side door.

"Over here!" Harm replied from the back of the hangar.

"Uncle Bud wants to know if there's a better place for the barbeque as the wind keeps blowing the flames out," he called and Harm appeared wiping his hands on a rag.

"Well, there's nothing too combustible in this hangar," he said, scanning the area. "So, if he sets it up against the far wall, away from the MOM stuff, it should be good."

"Okay!" Aidan replied before disappearing outside the door once more.

Before long all was ready to go and the party guests had started to arrive. Figuring the twins were in the same class and that there would be a few kids who couldn't attend, given it was the Easter weekend, Harm and Mac had settled on inviting their whole class. All 24 of them. And all 24 were able to attend. And three parents had asked, ever so nicely, if a slightly older or younger sibling could also attend as there were other pressing issues.

Soon, there were 31 kids aged six and under running around and expending considerable energy.

"Do you want me to start the games?" Mattie asked Mac as she labelled drink bottles for their guests.

"Good idea," she replied. "Maybe musical chairs … keep them contained over there for a bit."

"I don't know how their teacher does it," Mattie said. "I get exhausted just from our lot some days."

"Me too," Mac said with a chuckle. "I have a newfound respect for Miss Laura."

There were games and food, food and games and the two hours set aside for the party flew by. It was after the first guests had departed that Frank spied young Jeremiah over by the M.O.M furniture section. It wasn't the first time the child had wandered that way and this time Frank moved over towards him.

"It's a pretty cool bed, isn't it?" said Frank, pointing to the red racing car bed.

"Yeah, pretty cool," Jeremiah replied.

"I would have liked one like that at your age," he said, watching the child's face.

"Yeah, me too," he replied with a sad sigh.

"What kind of bed do you have now?" Frank asked quietly.

"I don't have one," he replied shaking his head. "I used to … at the other house … but not anymore."

"Where do you sleep then?" he asked, fully focused on the child.

"I have a mattress," he said quietly. "I pull the blanket up and sleep on the end where there's no spring sticking into me."

Frank was already considering his next step. What family would have a child sleeping in such poor conditions?

"Where did you use to live?" Frank asked. "When you had the bed."

"In Pittsburgh," he said finally looking at Frank. "Before the trouble."

"What trouble?" Frank asked and Jeremiah

Jeremiah looked up at Frank and shrugged. The young lad, not yet six had a look in his eyes Frank had only see in the old and weary before.

"Just trouble, mister," he said before moving away to play once more.

"What's up, dad?" Mac asked, wrapping her arm around Frank's waist as he watched the youngster.

"What's Jeremiah's story?" he asked, wrapping his arm around Mac.

"Don't know," she replied. "I think he only started after the New Year. Rosie had been talking about a Miah, and I assumed it was a girl but Harry corrected me and said it was really Jeremiah. That must have been late January. Why?"

"Something just seems a little off," he reported but as a loud, collective squeal was heard from behind them, he decided to table the conversation for later.

A little later, Frank watched as a man came to the door. He continued to watch as Jeremiah spied him, smiled and ran over to him. At least, Frank thought to himself, the child seems happy enough in the company of the man. Making his way over, Frank extended his hand to the newcomer.

"Frank Barnett," he said, "Grandpa to the birthday duo."

"Joel Betts," he replied, shaking the proffered hand. "Jeremiah's…"

"Dad," Jeremiah said. "He's my dad."

"Okay," Joel said slowly. "I'm Jeremiah's dad."

Frank's concern showed on his face and as Joel sent Jeremiah to say his goodbyes and thank yous, he decided to go ahead and ask.

"Please forgive me for asking, Joel," Frank said quietly. "But…"

"Yeah, I'm not Jer's real father," he said just as quietly. "He was my sister's boy and we've taken him in."

"Was?" Frank asked and Joel nodded slowly.

"Long story and not really the place," he said as Jeremiah headed back towards them.

"Sorry, didn't mean to pry," he said glancing between the boy and his uncle.

Joel looked around at the M.O.M setup and then back to Frank. "I read about this in the local paper. Is it really just as it says…you know…free if we kinda need a few things?"

"Sure is," Frank replied. "Now isn't the time," he said as he pulled a card from his pocket. "But call me anytime and we can have a chat and set you up with what you need."

"Am I pushing my luck if I come back tonight?" Joel said, his blue eyes filling with tears. "My wife gets back from work about 7:00, I could come once Jer's in bed. Just thought Easter Sunday is about renewal and rebirth and it would be perfect timing to have a few more of the necessities."

"Well, I can guarantee it will be an early night all around here tonight, so what's say we meet back here at eight, we have a trailer we can load up and we'll be in business," Frank said.

"Oh, Mr Barnett, are you sure you're not Santa…or the Easter Bunny," Joel said, shaking his hand.

"Nope, I'm just Frank."

Once all the school friends had departed, Harm allowed the twins to unwrap the mountain of presents they had received. Mac had suggested, to anyone who asked, to generally just buy one gift the pair could share, or, if the child was good friends with one twin over the other, just to buy for that one. However, it seemed few had listened and there had to be at least 50 packages on the table. Some generous attendees had also brought presents for Frankie.

Michael had been giving the job of recording on the birthday cards the present that came with it. Nikki was in charge of collecting any wrapping paper, bags or boxes which could be reused in the twins' classroom. Jess was helping Rosie and Harry while Lily was helping Frankie. Aidan and Jimmy were clearing away the food under Harriet's supervision, while the other adults stood watching the twins.

"You realise you are going to need to build an extension just for their birthday gifts," Mattie said as she leant against Harm.

"Just thinking the same thing," he replied, kissing her head. "Might have to donate a few things to Kenzie's playroom at your house."

"Between you and mom, Colin's parents and grandma and grandpa, I don't think Kenz is wanting for anything," she said, watching as her son started pulling out all the paper Nikki had carefully rescued.

"Oh, I think that tin whistle Harry had before can be left at your house," he said, grinning.

"You do and Frankie will be getting a drum set for Christmas," she laughed.

While the banter and present unwrapping continued, Mac sat down on a sofa next to Frank.

"You've been quiet," she observed. "I saw you talking to Jeremiah's father. Anything wrong?"

"Yeah, a few things, I think," he said, as his eyes remained on his grandchildren. "Joel is Jeremiah's uncle. Things are a bit dire, from what I can gather, he's coming back at eight to have a chat and get some necessities."

"Good," Mac said. "I can come too," she added. "See if he needs other help … legally speaking."

"Thanks, sweetheart," he said, "That would be good."

Dinner that night was assorted leftovers and was done in several shifts around the MacKenzie – Rabb dining table. Everyone Lily's age and younger ate first before they were whisked away into baths and bed attire while Aidan, Jimmy, Nikki and Michael had dinner. When they were done, the boys headed over to Colin and Mattie's to play on the Nintendo while watching over Kenz and Nikki decided she would go to bed with the younger girls and spend time on her iPad.

"Dad, are you eating?" Harm called as Frank looked out the back door, watching as the boys made it across to the other house.

"Um," he replied, looking up at the clock. "No, thanks. I'll eat when we get back."

'Where are you going?" Harm asked, looking at the clock to confirm the time. "And with whom?"

"Aren't they the questions a father usually asks his son?" Frank said with a laugh.

"They are," Harm confirmed. "But I'd still like an answer."

"Frank's taking me out, aren't you, Frank?" Mac said, wrapping her arm around her father-in-law's waist.

"Really?" Harm questioned.

"Just back to M.O.M to meet with Jeremiah's uncle," Frank answered and Harm shook his head, he'd missed something.

"We'll explain it all when we get back," Mac said before considering her next move. "Bud, would you be able to come and give us a hand?"

"It's okay. I can help you, Mac," Harm said but Mac shook her head.

"No, it's alright," she said. "Bud doesn't mind, do you?"

"No, not at all," Bud replied, getting to his feet.

Harm just shrugged and went back to washing the dishes, perhaps someone would fill him in when they were done.

When his kitchen duties were done, Harm brought a tray of tea and coffee into the living room for Harriet and his mother who had been quietly chatting. Taking his mug last, Harm sat in the remaining armchair and both women looked at him.

"Oh, am I interrupting?" he said, moving to stand once more.

"Well, could you maybe give us another few minutes?" Harriet said quietly and Harm nodded.

"Sure," he said, leaving as Harriet mumbled 'sorry'.

So it was, at a time when there was a total of 18 people staying at the farm that Harm had no one to talk to. Rather than wallow in the thought of being left out, he embraced the idea of some time for himself and headed to the school room upstairs with his model plane kit and coffee.

Meanwhile, Joel Betts had arrived and was sitting in the waiting room of the Rabb Runways office across from the hangar with Frank, while Mac and Bud sat in Harm's office waiting for the pair.

"Now, son," Frank started, sensing Joel's nervousness. "You are under no obligation to tell me anything, but if you wanted to tell me about your situation, it …"

"I'd like too," Joel began slowly. "We've been living in Bellevue three months and haven't really met anyone we can talk to … my wife, Georgie, had heard about this set up not long after we moved and had met Mac at school and really wanted to come but there was always something stopping us."

"What was stopping you?" Frank asked, playing with the pen in his hand.

"That we wouldn't qualify for assistance…that we'd be judged … that …I don't know but it's really hard to say you can't provide for your own family even when you're working four jobs between you," He said dropping his head.

"Four jobs? How on earth do you juggle four jobs and a child?" Frank asked incredulously.

"I work at the bakery from 3:00 AM to 2:00 PM and Georgie works at the Bag 'N' Buy from 9:00until 4:00 then she starts her cleaning job and is usually home by about 7:00. She gets every second Saturday and every Sunday off and I work about 15 hours over the weekends and take Jeremiah with me if I have to…and still we can't catch a break," Joel said shaking his head.

"Was it this hard before you took Jeremiah in?" Frank asked and cringed when Joel's tears started to fall and he shook his head.

As Joel told Frank his life story, Bud and Mac were having their own conversation and while general at first, soon turned to the topic of the future. Deciding to take the opportunity presented, Mac took a deep breath.

"Are you still seriously considering retirement?" she asked and Bud nodded. "Have you talked to Harriet about it yet?"

"Yes and no," he said. "I don't want to make any permanent decision until Harriet is 100% healthy but I have mentioned a few times that we should consider some changes in the future. Jim's in 11th grade and the twins are in 8th grade. Won't be long before they're off at college. Might be time to think about what we want for ourselves."

"What do you want for yourself?" she probed quietly.

"I don't mind the life you have here," he started and Mac grinned. "I mean not that we'd move in here but that the move you guys made…a tree-change, isn't that what you called it? Seems the way to go. The pace is more relaxed, the air fresher and, above all, it's about family."

"That it is, Bud, that it is."

By the time Harm realised his uninterrupted time had well exceeded his expectations, his guilt at being anti-social was negated by his displeasure at being ignored by a household of people who were supposed to love him. Opening the school room door, he was surprised by the silence in the house and its darkness. Turning back to check the clock, Harm realised it was nearly midnight and everybody, bar the Easter Bunny, would be in bed.

Taking the two steps across to his bedroom, Harm opened the door slowly and was surprised to find his wife had not gone to bed. Slowly he made his way downstairs and saw her curled up asleep in the armchair by the fading fire, the lamp still aglow.

"Hey," he whispered, caressing her face. "Mac?"

"Harm?" she said with a start. "Where on earth have you been?"

"Upstairs in the school room," he reported as he knelt in front of her.

"Seriously?" she asked. "We got back just after 2130 and no one knew where you were. I've been waiting for you to come home."

"I never left," he said, sitting on the sofa. "No one seemed to want my company so I went to work on my model."

"Sorry," Mac said, moving from the armchair to the sofa. "I just thought taking Bud might give him the opportunity to see the possibilities of moving out here, helping vulnerable families … you know…"

"And did it?" Harm asked, tugging Mac to be sitting across his lap.

'We started a conversation about the future and he likes the idea of a tree-change but wants to wait until Harriet's well before making decisions," Mac reported and Harm nodded.

"Did you mention going into practice or the vacant medical premises?" he questioned and Mac shook her head.

"No, the time wasn't right for that," she said. "But, he and dad took the truck out to Joel's house with the bigger items that didn't fit in the car, and I think they spoke about things in greater depth."

"So, what is the story with young Jeremiah?" he asked and when tears appeared in Mac's eyes, he held her closer so she could tell the child's story.


	11. Chapter 11

_AN: Thanks for your ongoing support. This chapter, 11, and the next 12 will conclude this instalment and then I'll be back probably late August with the next part. There are a few reasons for this, 1) I am about to move house after 18 years and getting time/internet access will be difficult for a while, 2) I am making arrangements for a 5th birthday party and 3) I am having a few neck/back issues exacerbated by using a computer. That said, I am looking forward to seeing what happens next myself._

 **First Kiss / Last Breath 11**

As Mac settled against her husband, she drew a deep breath, trying to remain as calm and unaffected as she knew she should be if she wanted to pursue child advocacy cases.

Joel Betts grew up with his mother, father, younger brother and sister in middle-class Pittsburgh. There was Little League, Scouts and Summer Camps. Dad was a bank manager, mom worked a few shifts a week as a medical receptionist. The three children, Joel, Joshua and Joselyn were polite, happy and evenly spaced at two years apart. They were straight A students, sporty and popular. Life was good. WAS good. The summer before Joel started junior high, the family were involved in a tragic car wreck which claimed the life of his mother and brother and life was never the same.

His dad threw himself into his work and Joel was frequently left to look after eight-year-old Joselyn. By the time Joel left for college, Joselyn was living with her paternal grandparents and causing them trouble. By the time Joel had finished college, Joselyn had lived with her maternal grandparents and was then back at home with her father for her final year of high school.

It was at her graduation party that Jeremiah was conceived. She never disclosed who the father was. Not when her own father pleaded with her. Not when he threatened. Not even after a massive heart attack left him on his death bed when she was six months pregnant. By the time Jeremiah was born, Joel had buried his father, married his high school sweetheart and was trying to support his own family and Joselyn and Jeremiah on a single income and growing student loan debts.

Jeremiah's first year of life had been a dire financial struggle for all. Still, he was a gorgeous little boy and nothing was his fault, so the family unit, as it still was, persisted. By the time he turned two, Joselyn and Jeremiah had a one bedroom apartment of their own, she had a part-time job and was studying part time but Joel and Georgie were still working endless hours in minimum wage jobs despite college degrees and career ambitions. Then Joselyn met Craig Lampert and things were good. Craig was a decent enough man. Worked in real estate, had a car and a house, loved sports and adored Jeremiah.

Over the next few months, Joel never really noticed the gaps between seeing his sister and nephew. Things seemed to be good for them and, truth be told, he was enjoying the freedom of being able to concentrate on himself and his wife. Then that Christmas when they brought over Jeremiah's presents, they noticed the happy, chatty young boy was withdrawn and had regressed. Their home was in disarray and his sister was unkempt and confused. It was quite clear she was drug affected and that Jeremiah either wasn't being cared for or had been abused. They took him home with them that night.

Joselyn had promised to get clean, to break up with Craig, to move on, to start afresh and Joel believed her. Helping her where he could, Joel and Georgie had Jeremiah living with them for just on seven months when Joselyn and Craig came by to visit and when Georgie was in the kitchen and Joel in the bathroom, they absconded with the child. Jeremiah was almost 4 and a half before Joel saw him again.

It was in ward 2East of Pittsburgh Children's Hospital.

Jeremiah was black and blue, malnourished, traumatised and severely dehydrated. He had been found by the bodies of his mother and her partner who had been dead almost a week by the time the building super came to investigate missed rent payments.

So began another extremely difficult period for the Betts family. Joel and Georgie immediately applied for permanent custody of the child but their financial status stood in their way. The child would need ongoing medical care, ongoing counselling and, as he had nothing to call his own, he would need everything an almost 5-year-old boy needed.

Through a plea on social media, Joel was able to secure second-hand clothes, a bed, and toys. When Jeremiah was finally released from the hospital he was non-communicative and rarely interacted with anyone or anything. Georgie quit her job to stay home with the child and worked intensively with him to try and bring back the beautiful little boy who she knew was in there and six months down the track things were finally improving.

For all the commitment and love Georgie and Joel had shown Jeremiah, Children's Services still would not approve permanent care due to the living arrangements and financial difficulties. So, Joel went and worked a third job, barely being home at all. He dragged himself out of bed after only three hours sleep a night to try and make ends meet. Having lost every other family member, he could not, would not, lose Jeremiah too.

And just when things were looking up, a fire in an upstairs apartment caused water damage in their apartment and the meagre things they had were ruined.

With a new and sympathetic case worker from Children's Services, Joel and Georgie were allowed to relocate to Bellevue with Jeremiah in January but in their recent three-month review, the caseworker had indicated that the arrangements for the child were not acceptable and had said, in pretty straightforward terms, that if things had not improved by June, the child would be removed at the end of the school year and placed in foster care.

"So, what do we need to do to keep Jeremiah here in Bellevue?" Harm asked, wiping his wife's tears away.

Mac smiled. God, she loved this man.

Meanwhile, Bud was having the same conversation with Harriet in the mobile home. Having gone to sleep an hour ago, he was awake once more thinking of the Betts family and his movements caused Harriet to stir. While he wasn't going to say anything at first, he decided to tell her everything. Perhaps, he could see what her response would be and whether working with these families was something she would want to do too.

"Oh my," she had said repeatedly as Bud related the story and when he finished she climbed out of bed.

"Where are you going?" he asked, sitting up.

"To get this," she said, grabbing her handbag and taking out her notebook and pen. "Now, you went to the house, what else do they need?"

In the darkness of the mobile home, illuminated by a bedside lamp, Bud reeled off a long list of things the young family needed and Harriet dutifully recorded it all.

"Right," she said when Bud finished. "We sit down tomorrow with Mac and Harm and make a plan."

Early the next morning, when she should have still been sound asleep, Harriet was pouring herself a cup of coffee in the kitchen while she considered her course of action for the morning.

"Can I get you something?" Harm asked, startling her out of her thoughts.

"Oh, good morning, Harm," she said, grabbing another mug. "What's got you up so early?"

"Just Easter Bunny duties," he said, retrieving a large tub from a high shelf in the pantry. "Thought I'd get a head start on the hunt."

"Oh, yes, it's Easter," she replied, shaking her head and Harm studied his friend.

"Everything alright, Harriet?" he questioned, resting the tub on the bench.

"Yes, fine, thanks," she said with a smile before shaking her head. "Actually, no," she corrected. "Bud told me about young Jeremiah last night and I can't stop thinking about him and his family. I was going to make an action plan."

"Certainly a sad state of affairs, isn't it?" he asked, taking the mug of coffee Harriet offered him. "

"It is but there's a lot of support out there if you know where to look," she said, taking her coffee to the table. "Not that I really know what's available in this part of the world but it's easy enough to search online."

Over the next 15 minutes, Harriet and Harm discussed the Betts Family and what needed to be done and which agencies were available for assistance.

"Mac's more than happy to do any legal work," Harm said, tapping the notepad. "Apparently Frank had said something about helping Joel get back into the business world."

"The M.O.M stuff would have certainly helped out," Harm said, picking up his mug. "Shame they didn't come over sooner."

"It is," he replied. "We have so much out there, it's a pity people aren't getting to use it."

"Have you advertised?" she asked, placing her mug on the table.

"A couple of stories in the local paper and a couple of flyers in the shops, churches and schools," he said.

"A bit more publicity could get both clients and donations," Harriet said, her pen poised above the pad.

"Oh, it definitely would," Harm agreed. "But with mom and dad having been away, it just leaves Mac, and the older kids when they are around, Mac never really wanted to do it as a full-time job, which greater publicity may bring."

"True," she agreed. "It's something I'd like to do … if it was only closer to home," Harriet sighed.

"Maybe you need to move a bit closer," Harm remarked and watched carefully for a reaction.

"Not a bad idea, Harm," she said. "Bud would probably like the change of pace…not too sure about the kids though."

"Oh, I'm sure you could sway them," he said with a grin.

By the time Trish and Frank came into the kitchen half an hour later, Harriet had a dozen items on her list.

"You might want to add establish an education fund for Jeremiah," Frank said, after perusing the list. "It will stand Joel and Georgie in good stead if they can show they are looking long term."

"Education fund as in college fund?" Harriet asked.

"No, to cover the lad's educational expenses as he goes through his schooling," Frank said. "It might not cost all that much at the moment but before long there'll be school trips and sports carnivals, textbooks and digital devices. Anything that can be put aside now will help."

Harriet noted it on the paper and frowned, she really could do more for the Betts family, and those like them but she needed to live closer to Bellevue.

Any further planning was curtailed by some excited young children in search of anything the Easter Bunny may have left behind. Scurrying into the living room, the twins spied the traditional Easter bounty; a chocolate bunny, pyjamas and a book, more eggs would be gathered later in the hunt. On the sideboard, there were 10 neat piles, each with a name card, one each for the three Roberts' children, six for the MacKenzie-Rabb children and one for Kenzie. Finding their names, Rosie and Harry had the ears of their bunnies demolished before Harm stopped them.

"No more until after breakfast," he called from the doorway and a mumbled 'yes, dad' came back at him.

"I wonder what Jeremiah's morning is like today," Harriet said, coming to stand beside Harm.

"Well," he said, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "Let's give them a call at a more reasonable hour and invite them over. Jeremiah would love the egg hunt and there's enough food to feed a marine corps, so three more is no problem."

"Great," she replied. "I'll go and start the vegetable prep, there's a mountain of it to get through."

"You are supposed to be taking it easy," Harm reminded her.

"I am not overdoing it," she said defiantly. "There's nothing wrong with me at the moment and I'll be fine until the chemo starts next week."

"Okay then," he conceded, kissing her head. "You're in charge of the kitchen."

Getting the Betts' family to spend the day at the farm was easier than Harriet thought it would be. The twins had spied young Jeremiah before the church service began and pulled the boy into their pew regardless of what plans his parents had. At the end of the service, the twins were begging their parents to have Jeremiah over for the egg hunt and while Harm and Mac readily agreed, they had reminded the twins it was up to Jeremiah's parents, quickly adding that they would be more than welcome and not at all an imposition given the crowd who would already be there. They happily accepted.

All the adults assembled watched the egg hunt while Nikki and Michael helped Frankie and Kenzie and Jimmy took photos. Georgie and Joel were quiet and reserved at first, no doubt daunted by the rather large clan who had taken them in for the day. That began to change when Harriet used her recent surgery as an excuse for a short, self-imposed timeout in the living room.

"Georgie," she had said, once the hunt was finished. "Could you please do me a favour?"

"Oh, certainly," she replied, moving over to Harriet.

"I'm feeling a little weary," she said. "Could you please help me into the living room?"

"Sure," she said, taking Harriet's arm and helping her up the stairs. Mac went to intervene but Harriet gave a quick shake of her head.

"Oh, no, it's fine, Mac," she said. "Georgie doesn't mind but if you were making a cup of tea, I'm sure we wouldn't say no, right, Georgie?"

"Oh, sure," she said again. "If it's not too much trouble."

Not long later, Mac brought in a tray with two cups of tea and closed the living room door as she exited, she had a fair idea what this particular conversation would entail.

"I hope you don't mind keeping me company," Harriet said. "I recently had surgery and haven't quite bounced back yet."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Georgie replied. "Nothing serious, I hope."

"Breast cancer," she said with a sigh and then smiled. "But I'm doing really well…just a little tired."

"I'm not surprised after yesterday's party," she said. "It's all Jerry could talk about."

"We're so glad he enjoyed it. It was a great party," Harriet said. "Do you enjoy living in Bellevue?"

"It quieter," she said with a shoulder shrug. "Still don't see enough of Joel but it's hard when you're struggling to make ends meet."

"Bud was telling me about all your jobs," she said. "Must take a lot of juggling."

"It does," she said, "But it will be worth it in the long run."

"Why's that?" she asked innocently.

"Well, we're working so hard to try and earn enough money to get Jerry permanently," she said. "It's very difficult right now but there's no sacrifice too big to ensure that it happens."

"I know Bud and Frank dropped off a couple of things last night, but…" Harriet began.

"A couple of things?" Georgie repeated incredulously. "More like a truckload. Very unexpected but so very gratefully received."

"You know you could have come and got them when you first got to Bellevue," Harriet said quietly and Georgie nodded.

"Yeah, I know," she said. "I've driven here on more than one occasion to organise something but could never bring myself to do it. I know Joel has done the same. We just couldn't bring ourselves to ask."

"Why not?" Harriet asked, after all, this was the point of the conversation.

"Initially, I think it was because we didn't want to truly accept we needed a handout," she said dropping her head. "Then it was more because we didn't think we'd be considered worthy...you know, we're working and all. I guess the twins' party was really timely and at the perfect location as it got us through the door and we have been overwhelmed by the generosity of everyone here."

Harriet smiled. "That they are," she said. "I know you said you didn't want to accept a handout," she continued. "But Memories of Mom is more about getting a hand up than a handout. Do you know how it came about?"

When Georgie shook her head, Harriet outlined the origins of the organisation and why it was important to the family to help other families out, whether it be for the long term or short term."

"Oh my goodness," Georgie said, wiping her eyes. "Those kids are amazing to be thinking of anyone else given what they have been through."

"Their mother raised them well," Harriet agreed. "Mac and Harm are just continuing her legacy."

"Does that mean we can pay for the things last night? It wouldn't be much right now but we could make some contribution for the good of others," Georgie said quickly.

"That's very generous of you to offer," she said shaking her head. "But right now, your priority is getting everything you need to keep Jeremiah with you. Frank has said about helping Joel get onto a better career path and then you can move into a better house, you can change jobs too. Then you can offer something financially if you wish. Other than that, and probably preferable to Harm and Mac is that you find somehow to pay it forward. Do something for others, however small, when you can."

Georgie easily agreed.

Frank and Joel were having a rather serious discussion of their own about things to include in a resume for the new positions he could be applying for. While Frank's advice was sage, Joel was concerned about his recent job history being held against him.

"Tell me about this weekend job you do," he said. "You said it was 15 hours over the weekend."

"On average," he said. "It labouring mainly, so it's a lot of odd jobs but can be weather dependent and, like this weekend, there are no hours as it's Easter and people have their focus on other things."

"What sort of labour?" Frank asked.

"Well, there are five properties I've worked at, three are regulars. So one weekend a month I'm there and I do a lot of odd jobs, gardening and the like. Last weekend I was digging the holes for fence poles for Sam Trengrove, still got the blisters to prove it," he said holding up his hands. "Made it difficult getting the heavy trays out of the ovens earlier in the week."

"Enjoy it?" he asked.

"Don't mind the physical labour, never been one to shirk hard work," he said slowly.

"But…" Frank said, waiting for the rest to come.

"But I slogged it out for 12.5 hours last weekend, in that strong wind and intermittent rain, walked away with just over a hundred bucks. Great that it went to the water bill and groceries but a hell of a tough way to earn it."

"Your time and effort are worth more than that," he reminded him sternly.

"I know," Joel agreed. "But in reality, I am only worth what people will pay. No one else was offering work and it was that or nothing, I can't afford nothing."

"Did you put in half the effort?" Frank asked and watched the man intently.

"No, sir," Joel said quickly. "Not at all. I always give my best. It's not in me to do less."

Frank smiled, it was the reply he wanted. "So, you think you can get me that resume in the next couple of days?"

"If I had a computer and printer, I'd do it tonight," he said. "Other than that, it might be a couple of days until I can get to the library."

"You don't have a computer?" Frank asked his mind in overdrive.

"Had a good set up once," he said, "Sold some of it off when we first started to struggle, lost the rest in the water damage in the apartment. Georgie and I both have phones, but they're the cheapest ones on the lowest plan, so we barely use them."

"Well, after lunch, why don't we slip away to the Runways office and give their computer a whirl," Frank suggested. "We might have to bring young Mattie with us for the passwords and all but I reckon we can knock out what we need in an hour or so. Get the ball rolling."

"That would be amazing, Mr Barnett," Joel said grinning.

"It's Frank, son, Frank."


	12. Chapter 12

_**AN: Okay, folks, this is it before the internet gets disconnected for a while. See you at the end of August.**_

 _ **Thanks for sticking with this one.**_

First Kiss / Last Breath 12

By the time everyone was home, and most in their beds, Frank had a copy of Joel's paperwork and went to find Mac and Harm who were curled up in the living room enjoying a few peaceful minutes after another chaotic day.

"Hey, dad," Harm said as Frank sat in the armchair. "You get things sorted for Joel?"

"Not yet," he said, with a broad smile. "But I think it's something we can achieve together."

"What did you have in mind?" he asked, as Mac settled against him and watched her father-in-law.

"Right now," he started, "We can't really do much about his week day job, but he works 10-15 hours a weekend, sometimes for little money. I know things for Rabb Runways are picking up as the weather improves and, like last year, your time to help Colin around the farm will be limited. My thinking is that we can offer him consistent work over the next few months, some farm work, some with M.O.M., young Jeremiah can come and play with the kids and not have to sit and watch Joel work every weekend. We can ensure they're well fed. Georgie can come when she's not working, I'm sure she and Mattie could be great friends. I can mentor him as we go."

"You like him, don't you?" Mac said and Frank nodded.

"There's something about him that I think is worth taking a chance on," he replied. "He's a hardworking, decent man who has had a rough time and needs a lifeline. I think a little intervention will result in a world of difference."

"What's it going to cost us, having him work here?" Harm asked. While it was a good plan and a noble endeavour it also had to be feasible.

"You, son, it's not costing you a dime," he said. "This is on me." When Harm went to protest, Frank shook his head. "No," he held his hand up. "I'm not much of a help these days with the physical work, so let's just say Joel is my replacement."

Harm smiled and shook his head. Frank had always been a kind and generous man, something uncommon in the world of business he had spent most of his life. And, not for the first time, Harm regretted not allowing the man into his life at a much younger age. It was very clear that he only ever had someone's best interests at heart.

Later that night, Harm was awake when he should have been asleep like the rest of the household. His thoughts were on Frank and the relationship which they could have had if he hadn't been so self-absorbed and dad-obsessed. As good as it would have been to have had an amiable relationship forty or so years ago, Harm had to wonder whether a positive relationship back then with his stepfather would have completely altered the course of his life.

Would he have been so adamant about being in the Navy? Being a pilot? Would he have found a deep and sustained relationship earlier in life? Would he have had the same relationship with his beloved Grams? Would he have found his way to Mac regardless of the course life would have taken him?

Rolling over in bed, he faced his wife and carefully pushed her hair from her face. With the ambient lighting, he was able to see all of her features, but, truth be told, Harm could have been blind and he would still know every inch of his wife's face and body. Gently, he caressed her face. He couldn't fathom what life would be like for him if he had never met this woman. All these years later, all the ups and downs, all the blood, sweat and tears since the day they met had brought them to this time and place. And he loved it. He loved every part of it. He loved this woman more than he ever thought was possible, more than life itself.

"What's wrong?" Mac asked as she reached out to touch his face. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he whispered. "There's not a thing wrong."  
Mac pushed herself and sat up in the bed. "Tell me," she said, Harm didn't look fine.

"Aww, it's nothing really," he said, pulling her down to him. "I was just thinking about things and, as often happens, my thoughts turned to you and how incredibly beautiful you are and how incredibly lucky I am and how very, very much I love you."

'Oh, Harm," Mac said leaning in to kiss him deeply. "I love you too."

She kissed him again and again until the two melted into one and that love was celebrated passionately.

With the night's vigorous activities, which had followed several hectic days, Harm and Mac remained sound asleep and oblivious to the goings on in the home. The kids were still on break meaning no school rush and the Roberts' family were headed back home later in the day, so they were in no rush either and, with Frank and Trish on hand, the kids were well supervised and unusually quiet themselves.

So, it wasn't until Trish brought up a tray with coffee and toast just after ten that the couple realised just how long they'd slept and how poor a host they were being.

"Nonsense," said Trish when Mac apologised for still being in bed. "If you're tired you sleep. There is nothing downstairs we can't handle."

"But Bud and Harriet…" Harm began and Trish shook her head.

"Harriet is over next door with Mattie and the younger kids," she explained. "Bud, Frank, and Nikki went down to do some M.O.M things and Jimmy and Michael are out working with Colin. So, except for me, no one knows you are still in bed."

Mac reached out to take the mug she was being offered.

"So, enjoy breakfast, take your time to shower and dress and, when you're ready, I'll be next door with the ladies too."

Quickly, Trish disappeared and left Harm and Mac to enjoy their late breakfast.

"I could get used to sleeping in and room service," Mac said, leaning against the bedhead.

"Especially after a busy few hours during the night," Harm said with a satisfied smirk and Mac laughed.

"Yes, that was certainly a wonderful interlude to sleep," she said leaning over to kiss him.

"We might have to make a habit of it if this is the reward," he said, nodding to the tray.

"Wouldn't take much to convince me."

Despite Trish's reassurance that all was well and to take their time, Harm and Mac were showered, dressed and downstairs within half an hour and weren't really all that surprised to find the place spotless and little for them to do.

"Shall we go next door and see what's happening?" Harm asked and when Mac nodded, he took her hand and they walked out the back door.

Strolling across the yard, Mac spied Jimmy sitting on a rock further down the yard and nudged Harm. "You think he's okay?"

"I might just go find out," he said, squeezing her hand before letting go.

Mac waited until Harm was sitting alongside their godson before she headed into Mattie's home, ready to be swamped by her younger children, and she wasn't mistaken.

"Did you do it again?" Jessie asked after hugging her.

"Excuse me?" Mac asked alarmed.

"Grandma said something had happened to Jeremiah's dad's paperwork from yesterday and you needed to start again. Did you do it?" Jessie asked earnestly.

"Oh, yes," Mac said. "Everything's sorted now."

"Good," she said. "I like Jeremiah and I think being with his aunty and uncle is the best for him. We need to make it happen," she said, her words belying her tender age. "Too many kids end up in the wrong homes. I'm very lucky I ended up with you. Aidan's lucky he ended up here too … after being 'there' for so long. Jeremiah is lucky to be where he is. They love him. That's so much more important than having money and stuff."

Mac hugged and kissed her daughter once more. "We're the lucky ones, kiddo. So very lucky."

Meanwhile, Harm and Jimmy's conversation wasn't as easy-going. The teen was in an 'I'm fine, nothing to talk about' mood and Harm was trying to encourage him just to spit out whatever it was that he had been trying to find a way to say since he and Mac had been in Maryland when Harriet had her surgery. Deciding to give Jimmy an ultimatum of sorts, Harm stood up.

"Well, if you're sure there's nothing, Jim, I'll be in next door," he said, nodding towards Mattie and Colin's home. "You'll be leaving after lunch, so …"

"Uncle Harm," Jimmy called before Harm reached the path. "I want to live here."

Harm spun around. "With you … or them …" he pointed to the house behind him. "Even with your parents or in the mobile home … or the barn…" he rambled. "Anywhere here really… if you'll let me."

Harm sat down alongside him once more. "What's going on?"

"Nothing … everything…" Jimmy said shaking his head. "I haven't really done that well at school this year. I mean, I'm going to pass but only just. My head's not been in it, you know… and now, with mom, that's not going to get any easier. I've kinda been thinking that doing 11th grade again would be the way to go as I can refocus and make sure I get the most out of 11th and 12th grades and be able to get more options for college. I couldn't do it at my own school, need a break from there most of all, and I just think it would be easier to explain repeating by changing states … or not really having to explain it at all, just enrol for 11th grade here in Bellevue and no-one except you guys would know and…well, that's kinda what I've been thinking."

"With all that thinking, have you thought about speaking to your parents?" Harm asked and Jimmy shrugged.

"Tried a couple of times," he said "But things weren't all that easy at home. Dad was always away, then mom got sick."

"I've said it before, you will always be more than welcome here," Harm said, resting his hand on Jim's forearm. "For now though, I suggest you talk to your mom and dad; they are very understanding people." Harm smiled and patted his arm. Knowing Bud and Harriet had begun contemplating a move here anyway, Jimmy's request might just be the impetus they needed to make the decision.

"Okay," Jimmy agreed. "I guess with mom's treatment starting and only a few months left of the school year, I can see it out, but I'll talk to them sooner rather than later so I know what I'm doing come September."

"Don't forget, you can spend as much of your summer here as you want," Harm said. "You might even bring your mom up for a few short trips between treatments for some fresh air and good company."

"Can we do some flying, like for a pilot's license?" Jimmy asked. "I know you'll be teaching Aidan how to fly … can I learn too?"

"If it's okay with your parents, definitely," he replied. "And perhaps you can take Aidan back to Maryland with you for some of the summer. Show him the sights in DC. I think sometimes he gets overwhelmed having so many young siblings around."

"Sure, he's had to make a big adjustment," he said with a laugh. "Won't be for me though, when I live here, I'm used to having lots of people around."

The following Saturday, when the Roberts' were back home and Trish had taken the girls to Charlesville, Mattie had the younger kids in her house while the other adults waited for Joel and Jeremiah. Frank was keen to not overwhelm the young man as he didn't want Joel to feel pressured to accept work on the farm, nor did he want him to feel they were treating him as a charity case. So, when the Betts' car pulled up, Frank went alone to greet them.

Soon, Jeremiah was in with the kids and Frank was pouring Joel a coffee in his own kitchen.

"Thanks for coming over, Joel," Frank said as he placed the mug in front of him. "I have something I want to run by you."

"You do?" he asked curiously.

When Frank started outlining the proposal, Joel's instinct was to refuse. After all, this family had done more for him than anyone else ever had and he didn't feel he could accept more. However, the more details Frank added, the more Joel changed his mind. Having Jeremiah being able to spend time with his little friends and just being able to enjoy being a kid was the icing on the cake. He soon accepted the offer.

Moving the conversation to the farmhouse, Joel sat down with Harm and Colin at the kitchen table to outline a long list of jobs around the farm that needed to be done in the coming months. Some Colin would do during the week, others were marked for Joel to do on the weekends. There was also another list constructed of the non-Colin related work.

"There's more to do around here than I first thought," Joel said, scanning the expansive lists.

"It never ends," Harm said. "Then you throw in all the kid-related things and household tasks and it really has to be all hands on deck. We are really grateful when mom and dad are here, miss them and all their help when they are back in La Jolla."

"I bet," he said. "Jer was saying your Jessie is in a wheelchair at school. I haven't seen her in one. That would add to your load."

"Jessie has worked incredibly hard on her physio and endured a lot of pain and discomfort with a range of treatments but it's finally paying off," Harm explained. "She uses the wheelchair for long distances and at school; she's getting so much better on her feet with and without her walking frame but she's safer from the rush of kids in her chair. She's now walking around inside the classroom and so excited about being able to do that."

"Did her disability make you reconsider adopting her?" he asked quietly.

"Never!" Harm said immediately. "We loved that little girl long before she came to live here. We never saw the disability just the child."

"Did your wife feel the same way?" Joel asked, playing with a pen.

"Yep," he replied. "Mac has been Jessie's primary carer. She takes her to all the appointments, does most of the therapies, did most of the toileting/showering before Jessie was able to manage for herself. Never once has she complained, only sees it as an honour that she's able to help Jess reach her full potential."

"You guys are amazing," he said, shaking his head. "Four of your own, three adopted, and we're struggling with just one."

"Does Jeremiah have a disability?" Harm asked, unsure of the reason for the question.

"Not really," Joel said slowly. "He still has some residual health issues from his time with his mother, he has some mental health issues related to the trauma of the whole thing; you know, anxiety, fear of being alone, bed wetting."

"Adds to your heavy load, doesn't it?" Colin said and Joel nodded.

"It sure does," Joel said. "Last thing we need after very long, hard days is the night terrors and changing the sheets very night, sometimes several times a night."

"Have you considered using pull-ups, they make them in Jeremiah's size?" Harm suggested. "Jessie only stopped using them a few months back once she could get herself out of bed at night."

"One of the doctors suggested that," Joel said with a sigh. "But our budget it stretched already. Cheaper to buy bleach for the white sheets and just keep washing them."

"I'm sure we have some down in the M.O.M stock. We could check later," Harm said. "Jeremiah might be talked into wearing them to keep his new bed nice and clean."

"Still can't believe you've given us all that stuff," Joel said. "I really think I should work off the cost before taking any wages from you."

"Nonsense," said Harm. "When you're back on your feet and have some spare cash or time, we'll talk about it. Until then, you get paid for the work you do."

"Can I at least bring in some products from the bakery when I come?" he asked and Colin nodded.

"Wouldn't say no to that," he said with a grin.

So as the month turned into April, Joel started his weekend work on the farm, Harriet started her chemotherapy, Jeremiah happily played with the younger kids and Mac still plotted and planned for a new legal business with Bud, while simultaneously thinking out a child advocacy business just for herself, in case the Roberts' didn't move to Pennsylvania. After a rather difficult few months, things were finally looking up and there were definitely interesting things on the horizon for all the MacKenzie-Rabbs and their associated family and friends.


End file.
